


Servant Once Again

by AlexSimon



Category: Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell & Related Fandoms, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell - Susanna Clarke
Genre: Fae & Fairies, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-05 04:02:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 24,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5360510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexSimon/pseuds/AlexSimon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In response to this prompt on the kink meme: </p><p>Childermass has an unfortunate run-in with some fairies while in the vicinity of Starecross. Segundus, drawn by the sensation of magic, happens across them and realizes that Childermass is in very deep trouble indeed, so he barges in and tries to stop it, laying claim to Childermass in the process in a blind panic. The fairies, in an act of 'kindness', decide to take this very literally and magically bind Childermass to Segundus, so that Segundus' 'servant' won't run off and cause trouble again. They then vanish, leaving the two men to deal with the fact that Segundus has basically managed to accidentally enslave Childermass while trying to rescue him.</p><p>(Thanks to the way way way awesome flashforeward for encouragement, cheer-leading, betaing, and pretty things made for this story on Tumblr)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Spilled Ink

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flashforeward](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flashforeward/gifts).



He would have known the feeling anywhere. 

It had become a part of his life now, the background hum of magic, the occasional friendly tug or more aggressive twinge. 

It had not happened like this in some time. 

This time the magic was a wave that pounded John Segundus to the floor. 

He could hear that he had knocked over his ink. It dripped to the floor next to him in little plops as he used the desk he had been writing at to pull himself up to his knees.  
There was a noise in his ear like many angry whispers, each wanting him to do something different. 

Segundus decided to follow the whispers, inauspicious as they were, and the tide of magic lapping at the house. 

He could not stand so he crawled to where the door to the room was and then down the stairs. 

He thought of calling for help and wanted to very much, especially as his hands, still wet with spilled ink, slipped on the stairs and he tumbled to his face the last quarter of the way down, but all of the servants had been given off for the afternoon. 

The only person still around was Childermass and Segundus opened his mouth to call out for him, but not for help. He knew that if he was reduced to this that it would be so much worse for the man who had been slowly, over the last months, been becoming his friend and companion. 

Segunuds pulled himself from his tumble to the floor and managed to make it to his feet 

He attempted to call out again, but was only able to creak out the first the part of Childermass' name. The rest was lost in a frantic gulp as the magic, which he could now tell was coming from somewhere just outside the house, rushed at him again. He was able to stay on his feet, but just barely. 

He squinted his eyes open as far as they would go and with great pain in doing so. 

Segundus took a few feeble steps toward the kitchen and closed his eyes, gasping in relief. He shuffled blindly forward a few paces and then tried to open his eyes again.  


In this way, John Segundus made his way to the back door of the kitchen. 

The magic was stronger than ever as was the vague sense of being shouted out by the air, or something in the air. 

He was still resting his eyes as he moved out by feeling in front of him into the garden of the house and the early summer sunshine hit his face. He managed a few steps toward the feeling of magic on very unsteady feet and that was when he heard a familiar voice. 

"Mr Segundus. Stop." 

Childermass' voice was choked and the sound of it, of him in the midst of whatever was happening, chilled Segundus. 

He forced his eyes open saw three tall and lovely beings surrounding John Childermass. 

He could not keep them open in that way for very long, but Segundus had the impression from those seconds that all of the fairies were female and very similar in appearance. 

"Oh look, another one," said one of them. 

"I like this one better," said another with pout. "The second is too fragile." 

"But I like fragile." 

"Sisters!" 

Segundus peeled his eyes open again. The tallest of the women fairies, long hair the color of fire down her back in a braid that was rather tangled at the end and wearing a purple dress spotted with some dark substance that looked like old blood, was stroking Childermass' hair. Childermass looked to be in great pain. His forehead had broken out into a sweat and he was panting slightly with the effort of not collapsing. 

"We do not have much time," she said. She had grabbed a hand full of Childermass' hair and smiled as she held it in her fingers. "Father will notice we are gone and we will be in trouble if he does. I am the oldest and I like this one. He is the one we will take." 

Segundus was able to fall forward a few feet and keep in an upright position. He forced his mouth open and air into his lungs and he screamed a forceful "No!" at the fairy sisters as he opened his eyes. 

"Mr Segundus..." said Childermass. He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something more but closed it pitifully instead as the oldest fairy sister pulled his head back with the hair she held. 

The fairies all had their eyes on Segundus 

"He is strong," said the one who had called herself the oldest. 

"Yes," said the other two in unison. 

"You cannot take him!" said Segundus. 

"And why not?" asked the oldest fairy sister. She pulled Childermass toward her with his hair and stroked his neck. One of the younger ones stepped forward toward him as well, but slunk back when hissed at by her sister.

"He is..." Segundus gulped. His eyes closed and he nearly dropped to the ground at the welcome sensation, but he opened them again. He felt he would fall over at any moment. "He is mine!" 

The loud noise at his ears stopped. He heard a thud. 

Segundus could breathe easier now and the tightness at his chest released. It still stung, but he was able to blink several times and clearly look at the scene in front of him.  


Childermass was lying on the ground, heaving. The three fairies spent a second watching him struggle for breath and then all turned to Segundus. 

"We did not know," said the one who called herself oldest. "Englishman, we are not as rude as you have heard." 

"Not all of us," said one of the younger ones. She looked back at Childermass longingly and lifted a regal hand a few inches toward him but the eldest slapped it back. 

"Yes," said the third. "But some of our brothers are very rude." 

The oldest raised her hand. 

"If this man is yours, magician, you may have him back," she said to Segundus. 

Childermass raised his head from the ground where he had been resting his cheek against the grass. He gave a exhausted glare to Segundus. 

"Yes," said Segundus though he could not keep his voice from shaking. "You must leave him with me." 

"He is ill behaved," said the oldest sister, studying Childermass, who was still crawling up to his knees, his hair falling in front of him. "He wanders from you and look. He is not at all grateful for a kind master to come to him and claim him though he is bad. We can help." 

"No. No, thank you," said Segundus frantically. 

"It is the least we can do, magician." The oldest fairy sister patted Childermass' head. "From now on you must be good. From now on, you must stay with your master and obey him." 

There was a sound as of a loud click and a knot in Segundus' stomach, like he was being pulled by a rope closer to Childermass. He and Childermass met eyes, both confused. Childermass must feel the same sensation, he thought. 

"There," said the oldest fairy sister. "You will have no problems in the future." 

"What have you done?" asked Segundus. 

But he was talking to air. The sisters were gone and Childermass was still on his knees. Segundus rushed toward him and tried to help lift him, but Childermass pushed him away. 

"No, Segundus," he said. "What have you done?


	2. His New Master

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The men discover the details of the spell

Childermass was finally able to stand, but very shakily. His knees buckled after a few moments and he had no choice but to grab onto Segunuds to keep from a fall back to the ground. 

"I am yours?" asked Childermass. He started to roll his eyes but even that movement was too much and he closed them instead. 

"I was panicked!" said Segundus. "You were in danger." 

He reached into his pocket for a handkerchief to hand to Childermass to wipe his sweaty face. He noticed then that his hands were covered in ink as were the knees of his trousers. The door frame that helped to steady him earlier bore his hand prints in black. 

"You should know better," said Childermass. "This isn't the first time-" 

The color drained from his face and he stumbled again. Segundus caught him but Childermass attempted once more to push away.

"Let me help you!" said Segundus in worry of Childermass' pale complexion and obvious weakness. And he did. Despite a strange look on his face, he allowed Segundus to keep him on his feet and hand him the handkerchief. 

"I think we should talk inside," mumbled Childermass. "See if we can figure out what sort of magic you've gotten us involved in. Oh, and you have ink in your hair too."  
Childermass allowed Segundus to help him back to the house and pull a seat up for him in the kitchen, which he sank into. There were hand-prints and smears of ink on the floor from the strained trip through the house under the influence of magic. 

Segundus poured Childermass a glass of water from a pitcher on the counter and brought it to him. He poured some more of the water onto a cloth, which he attempted to bring to Childermass' forehead before he was swatted away. 

"John Childermass, you aren't well." 

Childermass grunted through a gulp of water in response and did not break the glare that he had begun the garden until he put down the glass and slumped forward onto his arms. 

"Please," said Segundus, making a small movement toward Childermass with the cloth again. "Say that you forgive me." 

Childermass, who had been resting his head in his arms, looked up slowly. His face had an odd expression, like he had wandered away from himself.

"I forgive you," he said. 

"Oh, I am relieved!" said Segundus. 

"I did not intend to say that," said Childermass quickly, now scared and looking around in confusion.

"What?" 

"I was not quite ready to speak to you. When you said that though, I could not help but say that you were forgiven. It was all I wanted to do." 

"I don't understand." 

Childermass shook his head. 

"And in the garden...I think I felt it then, when you asked me to allow your help. I am very worried that something horrible has happened." 

He stood up then and silenced the protest from Segundus he could feel coming before it started with a weary look. 

"You wait here," said Childermass. 

He walked away from Segundus and out the door. He continued to walk until he was in the middle of the garden, which was a few hundred yards from where Segundus stood in the kitchen, when he suddenly stopped. Segundus felt a strange pull then, in the same place in his stomach he had first felt the sensation when the fairies were present and doing their magic. 

In the garden, Childermass tried again to move forward, but was pulled back with a slight yank. He kicked at whatever unseen barrier was preventing him from moving forward and then turned. 

"John Segundus can you please come here?" 

Segundus did and walked out into the garden. Each step he took, Childermass was able to as well. 

"Do you see what has happened?" he asked. 

"Well, it would he hard not to," said Segundus. 

Childermass stared at him. 

"I have apologized!" 

"What exactly did the fairy say?" 

"I don't remember!" said Segundus. He brushed away a drop of ink he felt slipping down his face from his hair. "Stay with your master? Do as he says?" 

Childermass wobbled a bit where he stood and the little color that had come back to his face drained. 

"Segundus. I am afraid that this is very bad." 

"I understand your meaning, I think," whispered Segundus. 

Childermass walked forward toward him. Segundus looked down at the ground, ashamed to meet the anger and fear he saw in Childermass. 

"Tell me to do something," he said. 

"Please, no. I don't-" 

"Segundus."

Segundus looked up. Childermass was inches from him now and it was too much to meet him this close. He felt tears coming to his eyes and did not want Childermass to see.  
"We must figure this out, John," Childermass said. "We must know." 

Segundus shook his head and Childermass grabbed his arm. 

"John." 

Segundus took a very long breath that filled his lungs and allowed him to concentrate on not crying. 

"Let me go," he said. It was so soft he wondered if he had been heard, but he knew he was, because Childermass dropped his arm. 

They stood in silence for a moment and then Childermass cursed. He turned to walk back to the house, but just as he entered the door, was yanked back toward his new master.


	3. Unexpected Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are many complications that become apparent as the day goes on.

The afternoon went on because it had to. 

There was nothing that John Segundus would have liked to do more than hide for a while until he felt better, less guilty, but that was not possible. There were many things to do and anyway, there would be no hiding at for the time being. He would know wherever he was that Childermass had followed him there because he had no choice but to do so.  


Segundus walked toward the house and now that Childermass was able to move again, he did, and preceded him inside. 

Childermass threw himself into a chair in the kitchen and glowered at nothing in particular. 

"Childermass-" Segundus started to say. 

"Please. I do not want to hurt your feelings, but if I have to speak to you at the moment, I may do so."

"I see." 

It was past time for lunch and and Segundus gathered some bread and cheese and fruit and set it at the table because he felt he must do something and that passed a few very tense minutes and gave him, for a short while, something else to put his mind to. 

He and Childermass sat across from each other at the table in silence for around a quarter of an hour. Segundus ate a few bites of food but Childermass only stared and sighed. 

"We will think of some solution," said Segundus. 

"I have other things to do than fix this," said Childermass. 

"Oh. So you intend-" 

"I am saying that this is has interrupted other important work. Of course we must fix it." 

Both men were drained from the afternoon and after Segundus cleaned the cold lunch away, he stared down at his hands for some time, trying to work up the nerve to speak to Childermass again. 

"I am a mess," he eventually said. "I must have a bath." 

"Do it then." 

"Childermass..." 

It seemed for a second that Childermass had managed to forget his new bondage. When he caught Segundus' meaning, he groaned. 

"Fine," he said. 

There were still hours until anyone else would be home, so Segundus put the water the on stove himself and pulled out the tub and began to drag it up the stairs. 

"What are you doing?" asked Childermass. 

"Taking this upstairs. It's where I bathe. In my room." 

He had not considered that Childermass would have different, perhaps less private, bathing habits until then. It was to Childermass' credit that angry was he was, he did not let Segundus struggle with the tub, but carried it with him, and the water too. 

When it was ready, Childermass sat outside Segundus' door while he undressed and bathed for some time. He had nearly fallen asleep leaning against the door when he heard Segundus call for him. 

"Childermass, I am very sorry..." 

"What?" 

"The water...it's black and I am not clean yet. I must empty the tub and start again. If I asked...would you?

"You know I would have no choice." 

He waited a moment and then entered the room. Segundus was in a robe and standing next to the tub, dripping water onto the floor. He and Segundus dumped it and then filled it again. 

Segundus continued his bath until the three servants came home in the late afternoon. Soon after they were heard approaching, Segundus emerged in fresh clothes with very pink skin. 

Childermass followed him downstairs, where the maid was in a state at the ink all over the house. She was even more overworked by the sad look on Segundus' face and it seemed to erase her frustration at the mess instantly. She set to cleaning and took care of the tub of inky water without asking questions, but looked forlornly at Segundus several times out of concern. Segundus informed them that Childermass had some unexpected business and would be staying for dinner. 

Segundus and Childermass sat in the parlor while dinner was prepared, Childermass with his arms crossed staring ahead out the window and Segundus with a book that he made a show of interest in while in reality looking every minute or so at Childermass. 

The meal was quiet. Childermass had regained his appetite and then some and ate without speaking, Segundus thought a few times of trying to engage him in conversation, but he was exhausted did not wanted to cause more harm. He picked at his food and was despondent each time he caught Childermass' face across the table. 

After dinner, Segundus wanted only to sleep and said as much. 

"Well, if you are going to bed, then I am too," said Childermass. 

Problem piled upon problem, thought Segundus. They went upstairs together and tried many different variations of them standing or lying in separate rooms to see what would work for sleeping arrangements. It was feasible to a point, if they moved their beds against adjoining walls, but there was a deep straining at the bond between them this way that was very uncomfortable for both. 

Segundus sat on his bed on one side of a wall and Childermass on the other and all Segundus felt was a wish to loosen to the taut feeling he had in his middle. 

"How will we explain?" he asked when Childermass came back in the room as he pushed his bed back to where it had been. Childermas too looked relieved to have the bond relaxed, but Segundus did not mention it. 

"You decide," said Childermass. 

What Segundus decided was that tonight, they would tell no one. 

He brought back several blankets and a pillow to the room. He handed them to Childermass, who started to make a pallet on the floor, and then pulled the curtains over the windows. 

"I must undress now," he muttered. 

Childermass shrugged. 

Segundus kept his back turned while he took off each layer of clothing on the top half of his body and set it on the bed. When he was done, he pulled on his sleeping shirt and then removed his breeches. 

Childermass was lying on the floor, still in his clothes, looking up at the ceiling. 

"Do not say goodnight to me, please," he said. 

"If you don't wish it, I won't." 

Segundus got into bed and pulled the covers over himself. He had just closed his eyes when he heard Childermass speak.

"I will try to be less angry tomorrow," he said, much more gently than he had said anything else since the incident in the garden. "I know you meant well. And who knows where I would be now, otherwise." 

"You have every right to anger. I will try...I will try to be careful in my speech while we solve this so that you are as comfortable as you can be. I do not want you to do things you don't want to, even if they are small." 

Childermass did not respond, so Segundus closed his eyes again. He could not sleep for some time and tossed in his bed. Eventually, he heard Childermass removing his clothes though Segundus did not think he slept. 

The last thing he thought of before sleeping was the expression on the fairy women's faces when they had looked at Childermass. He thought that this may cost him a friendship in the end, but that he was glad he had done it, after all, to have Childermass here and safe.


	4. Where You Can Be Seen

The sun woke Segundus early in the morning. He pushed the blanket away from himself and rolled over in the bed. On the floor, Childermass was asleep on his back, naked. 

Segundus tried not to look as he sat up, but could not help a blush at the sight. 

"Childermass," he said softly. He did not know exactly what time it was, the servants would be awake and moving around soon if they weren't already. 

"Childermass," he said again, a little louder. The man did not stir. 

"Childermass, it's late, wake up." 

With a gasp like he had only moments before been submerged under water, Childermass bolted upright. After the manically content look passed, his eyes filled with fear. 

Segundus' hands flew to his mouth and he was so ashamed that he could not speak. 

"Segundus," panted Childermass as the shock of being so startled awake and being forced to obey the command wore off. "The very last thing you said last night was that you would be careful." 

"I-" 

"Yes, you're sorry. I have heard." 

Childermass ran his fingers through his hair and as his body relaxed, he remembered his nakedness. He reached for the breeches lying beside the pallet on the floor and pulled them over his legs. 

Segundus battled tears as he dressed with his back turned to Childermass. 

"You don't know," said Childermass. "I understand that I am being harsh toward you, but you don't know how it feels to be so powerless. The sensation when you tell me to do something..." He finished his thought with a sigh. 

The only thing Segundus could think to say, Childermass did not want to hear, so he was quiet. 

"One of us should leave before the other," said Childermass to himself when both of them were dressed. He left his pile of blankets and pillow on the floor next to Segundus' bed.  


"Childermass. We cannot." 

Childermass swore under his breath as he remembered why this was not possible and he and Segundus walked to the door together. Segundus did not think to ask him in what other situations he may have been arranging leaving someone's room so as to not be seen. 

"Today, we need to figure out the constraints of this spell," said Childermass in a whisper as they walked down the stairs. "The bond linking us seems easy enough to comprehend, but the other part..." 

Once again he could only sigh at the problem and Segundus nodded in agreement. He was trying not to speak at all for the moment, in hopes of lessening the impact of the spell on Childermass. 

Breakfast at Starecross was not much normally. Segundus would grab what he felt like from the kitchen as he was often too busy to sit down and did not want to trouble anyone to cook a meal that he would forget to eat. But there was tea made when they arrived downstairs and they each drank a cup and ate a bit of bread watching the summer morning out the window. If not for the spell and horrible sadness Segundus felt each time the bond between him and Childermass tugged in reminder that it was there, or the fear each time he nearly opened his mouth to speak, it would have been pleasant.

When they had finished eating and their tea was drunk, Segundus thought very carefully and then slowly spoke so that no unintended word would make its way from his mouth. 

"What do you think we should do now?" 

Questions seemed a safe bet at the moment. 

"Discover what the bounds of this spell are to keep ourselves safe until we break it." 

"Do you mean, keep you safe?" 

Childermass, much to Segundus' relief, seemed to have recovered from the accidental command that had been issued to wake him and as well noticed the care Segundus was going to avoid accidentally ordering him to do something. His voice was much less biting when he spoke and his glare has dissolved back into his normal expression. 

"Yes," he said. "I do appear to be more in danger than you."

"Where?" asked Segundus. He thought on his next words. "I am worried about being seen." 

"One of the spare room upstairs waiting for the students will do," said Childermass. He and Segundus walked together upstairs and to a room at the far end of the hall. Segundus opened it with his keys and they went in. 

The room faced east and the sun was hitting it fully now. It had not yet been readied for its future occupant and dust jumped into the air ahead of each of their steps and up into the sunlight and the men stepped through the bright show it made as they walked. 

Childermass stopped near the middle of the room and Segundus did the same. 

"I do not want to do this," said Segundus, his voice weak. "I am extremely uneasy-" 

"If we don't know exactly what is going on, something very bad may happen by accident. It is best to it test now, where we are safe. But I..." His face softened as much as it had since yesterday. "I appreciate your reluctance." 

They faced each other in the middle of the room. 

"Issue a command," said Childermass. "Straightforward." 

Segundus looked away as he spoke, hardly able to comprehend what he was able to do. 

"Sit down," he said. 

And Childermass did. Segundus peeked over at him and Childermass was blinking away a bit of surprise but otherwise fine. 

"I believe that once I have done what you said, then I am free," said Childermass, and easily stood. 

For the first time, Segundus felt a bit of hope at their situation. 

"Now," said Childermass, "you must tell me to do something not so easily completed or something with a vague definition of completion. I think we know what will happen, but we must be sure." 

After thinking for a second of something that seemed harmless, Segundus told Childermass to stand on one leg. Childermass did, but then found that he could not put down his left leg once he had given in to fulfilling the command. He attempted to, but his knee knocked against the air like it was solid. 

"As I thought," he said, though it seemed to strain him to do so. "Sitting down was done and over, but you did not tell me how long to stand on one leg or that I could stop, so here I am." 

"Oh no..."

Childermass wobbled a bit after a few minutes but found that even falling over was impossible. 

"Segundus!" he called as righted himself as best he could, looking a bit like a marionette. 

"Yes, of course! Sorry. Please, stop standing on one leg now." 

The next hour went the same. They confirmed that Segundus could, to a lesser degree, entice Childermass into a chosen action with words like should and would, with pleases, with hearing that Segundus would like him to do something. 

After it was over, Segundus was feeling defeated and slumped from the room when he and Childermass left off their experiments for the day. 

"Oh, I wish Mr Strange were here," he said. 

"Do you?" asked Childermass. 

"I feel he would be helpful. His knowledge was almost unparalleled and he was never short of innovation. He would have some idea of a solution." 

For a second, a look crossed Childermass' face that made Segundus wonder momentarily if he had issued some command without meaning to, but was it was quickly gone. 

"Well, it's just the two of us," said Childermass. “We will have to make do." 

They reached the bottom of the stairs and Childermass turned to Segundus and fixed him with a look that stopped Segundus in the middle of a step.

"Don't do yourself any injustices, John Segundus. Strange needed help to best one fairy and you managed three simply by speaking to them."

"Oh, I don't think..." 

"Is that not what happened?" 

"I suppose...I suppose I can think of no other way to put it." 

Despite the trials of the morning, lunch that afternoon seemed more relaxed. Childermass ate well and spoke to Segundus in his usual manner and Segundus let go of a bit of his despair. Childermass even suggested that they make the most of the abundant sunlight and take to studying some of the soon to be school's newly acquired books for solutions to their problems and they went together to the room that had recently become the library. 

"Childermass," said Segundus when they were behind a closed door again. They had each picked out a book they thought would be helpful and were sitting on the floor. "You said this morning that the bond linking us was straightforward. But I don't think it is, not at all. Last night, we were close enough in separate rooms that we should have been easily able to stay like that, but weren't able to. I think the magic likes you to be where you can be seen by me."

"How thoughtful of the magic," said Childermass without looking up from his book. "I think you're right, inconvenient as it is." 

"And you were also mistaken that it's just the two of us to solve this problem." 

"Was I?" 

"Yes," said Segundus. "I think we should write to Honeyfoot and ask him to come if he can. I think he would be very helpful." 

"Very well," said Childermass. "Tonight, we write letters. I will have to make some excuses for my delay here and you can summon Honeyfoot."

"Please," groaned Segundus. "Do not say summon."


	5. The White Cat

Luckily for Childermass and Segundus, the fairy sisters that had sought to make Childermass theirs had left a presence in the area felt by many. The perceptible, magical change in the atmosphere had led to rumors and a fair amount of speculation as to what had caused it. Some wondered if Strange and Norrell might be returning, but were relieved that the sky stayed clear and blue with no hint of dark pillars. 

The three servants at Starecross whispered about the stories they had heard on the way home from the fete they had been given the afternoon off to attend. 

Childermass and Segundus were writing their letters together when they heard Charles in the other room telling the maid about a rash of thefts and other odd happening said to have occurred yesterday afternoon and evening and to be the result of magic, no part of which had been confirmed. Charles swore that among other things, a young woman's favorite snow white cat had disappeared. It was said that the cat had been taken to lure the woman, known to be very pretty, to magical parts unknown. 

"That's not true, do you think?" whispered Segundus. 

"It's a cat, Segundus." Childermass continued writing as he spoke. Segundus had only just discovered when they sat down together that afternoon Childermass could use either of his hands to write and he was currently using his left, which he had proclaimed neater. "It will probably be home in a few days. That's what cats do." 

"Of course. of course. Only...I hope that they didn't harm to anyone else when they left here without you. I would hate to think that you were saved only for another person to become their prisoner."

The presence of powerful, very much un-English magic and the accompanying stories of things attributed to it and explaining it gave the men an opening to account for their new sleeping arrangements. 

It was Segundus who saw the chance and made a show of asking for help that he did not strictly need moving some books and magical implements to his room in the evening.  
"Mr Childermass is needed to help me discern what has happened," he explained to Charles with as much authority as he could muster. "We must work tirelessly." 

At this, Charles nodded. 

"Since we don't yet know how late we will work, or the effect any spells we might do will have on us, it is safest if we are both where we can be seen by the other. There may be no one else who can intervene if something should happen to one or the other of us." 

Charles had a reverential fear of magic and a great respect for Mr Segundus and thus considered this logical. He knew that Mr Segundus had done powerful magic and would not think of questioning him on such matters. If Mr Segundus said that Mr Childermass must sleep on his floor to do magic, then it was so. 

Childermass watched Segundus with an amused expression while he talked to Charles and gave a gruff laugh when they were alone again. 

"Do you intend to do magic tonight?" he asked. 

"I intend to sleep," said Segundus as he sat on his bed with his head in his hands. 

Though he had thankfully avoided him or Childermass being taken to any fairy kingdoms and suffering the same malaise as Lady Pole and Stephen Black, Segundus was affected by the magic that had influenced his every movement now for over a day and he was tired. He did not know how Childermass could seem so energetic still. He turned away from Childermass and began to undress with as much discretion as he could manage. 

"You're not going to offend me, Segundus," he heard Childermass say to his back. He was reaching for his sleeping gown and had nothing on above his waist. "I have seen naked bodies enough." 

"Well, I haven't," said Segundus. 

Even though he could not see Childermass, he could feel a question waiting to be asked that wasn't. Segundus was relieved. He was too tired for personal inquiries.  


Segundus lay down in his bed but did not close his eyes right away. Childermass was on his pallet next to the bed, reading one of the books that had been brought in. 

"Today was as productive as it could have been," said Childermass. 

"Are you still angry with me?" asked Segundus. 

Childermass rested the book on his chest and looked up at Segundus who was watching him with large, worried eyes. 

"My freedom has been taken from me completely. That's not easy to bear." 

"I understand." 

"No, you don't. But when I think if I would rather be the prisoner forever of some fairy women or your servant; you win, John Segundus." 

"I don't think of myself as your master, Childermass." 

"But you are. For the time being, at least." 

Childermass ended the conversation by picking up the book again and starting to read where he had left off. The room was quiet for several minutes except for the occasional turn of a page in Childermass' book. He thought perhaps that Segundus had fallen asleep until he spoke again. 

"Can I ask you a question?" 

Childermass peered around his book at him. 

"I don't know if you're aware, but when...when it happens, when you are forced to obey me, there is a look on your face. It is a bit like surprise, and a bit like you have forgotten something, but it doesn't look like you're in pain." 

"What do you want to know?" 

Segundus' voice was small when he spoke. 

"What does it feel like?" 

Childermass sighed. 

"Like I would give anything to do what you have asked. Like my greatest joy would be fulfilling what you have told me to do. I am frantic to find to a way to do as you have said and it is not possible for me not to comply."


	6. Don't Move

The letter inviting Honeyfoot to come as soon as he was able left the next morning and two days after, he arrived at Starecross. 

In the interim, Childermass and Segundus had developed a slap dash routine centered around their need to stay close to one another, Segundus' desire to speak carefully, and studying ways to break the spell. 

Segundus had not yet become truly comfortable undressing or dressing in front of Childermass since they had started sharing a room, He was still surprised each morning by the sight of Childermass' naked body lying next to his bed when he first woke. It had become, in the short time since the spell took effect, the body besides his own that he was most familiar with, through no effort on his part as he started and ended each day fumbling around trying not to see the man nude. He had managed to memorize by accident a mole on Childermass' thigh and the pattern of the dark hair on his chest. 

Honeyfoot had been frightened when he heard that fairy magic had been used on them and was relieved when he arrived to find both men very well, doing nothing more exciting than squabbling over magic in the Starecross parlor. 

"I was concerned that you were suffering like poor Lady Pole," he exclaimed and he could not help but embrace Segundus in thanks that it was different than he thought. 

"No, we are well," said Segundus. "Well enough, that is." 

"Speak for yourself," said Childermass. 

That morning, a heated argument on how they might break the spell joining them had led to Segundus suggesting that Childermass could be kinder to him. This had resulted in a marked, though thankfully only momentary, change in his personality while Segundus reversed what he had said. Childermass had quite alarmingly managed to literally throw himself at Segundus' feet, which was where he was when Segundus reversed his command. The shift in his central being and terrifying desire show Segundus how kind he could be in any way possible had upset Childermass greatly. The knowledge that Segundus could fundamentally change who another person was with just a few words had been very frightening to him as well and the rest of the morning had been more tense and quiet than they had become used to. Neither could forget the moment when Segundus finally managed to bring him back and Childermass looked up him as the effect wore off, his arms still around Segundus' legs and his eyes confused as he slipped back from the person he had been a moment ago back to himself. 

Childermass and Segundus explained to Honeyfoot in private the details of the spell and what they had discovered about it. 

"Mr Segundus," asked Honeyfoot after he had listened. "Do you still have the spell that you used to free Lady Pole?" 

"Yes," said Segundus. "I put it away after that day and haven't looked at it since, but I still have it." 

"What are you thinking?" asked Childermass. 

"Maybe it would be possible somehow to do that spell in reverse? With some alterations? It might be possible to use its theory to some advantage. It is meant to join two things parted. Why should we not be able to part two things joined?" 

"Even if it were possible, that only solves one part of the problem," said Segundus. 

"But it might be easier overall to fully reverse this if we could at least be in separate rooms." 

Segundus wondered if Childermass was thinking that the problem would be managed well if he could stay far away from the person with the power to change him into a new man with only a handful of syllables. 

"It would also be helpful if we had the man who wrote it," said Honeyfoot. "Mr Childermass, isn't Vinculus your special charge these days?" 

Childermass grunted. 

"He is. Or he is supposed to be. He told me that he wanted to go back to London, as one of his wives was due to have a baby around now. I saw no reason to say no. I was supposed to only be a few hours behind him and I did not even like that. I knew better. I said I wouldn't let him out of my sight and yet I did." 

"Well, finding him is another thing we must do then," said Honeyfoot, a statement answered with another grunt from Childermass and a fretful sigh from Segundus. 

Though the consolation was small, the plan ahead seemed a reasonable one and gave the men a goal to work towards. 

Segundus' mood was improved by the arrival of Honeyfoot, but Childermass remained mostly quiet and withdrawn throughout the afternoon and evening. Honeyfoot looked between them often and made many attempts to lift the tension, but to no avail. 

Segundus could not say that he blamed Childermass at all.

Honeyfoot was put into a spare room that evening after the three had spent several hours together making plans and notes on magic, by which point it was late and the lingering summer sun long set. Childermass and Segundus went back to what was becoming in Segundus' mind, their room. 

Childermass did not talk as they settled into their established routine, which felt to Segundus shaky this evening. He sunk down onto his blankets, frowning and pushing his hair away from his face. Segundus undressed and got into bed in silence. The moon was bright that evening, persistently pushing light under the curtain and sneaking in when a breeze gave it a push. Segundus could see Childermass clearly on the floor, pulling clothes loose and going at buttons in an agitated way. 

"I'm sorry, Childermass. May I ask...Is everything alright?"

"You know very well that it isn't," said Childermass. He yanked off his boots and dropped them at the end of the blankets on the floor where he slept. "I'm tired of this. I am tired coordinating every movement with you. I am tired of accidentally finding myself at your feet. And, John Segundus, I am tired of sleeping of like a dog." 

Segundus' face crumpled with profound despair. He would have turned away so that he didn't have to face Childermass' anger, but he was frozen with hurt. He forced open his mouth to speak and said all that he could. 

"Oh, I am sorry." 

Some of his anger vented, Childermass was calmed and now guilty as he saw the effect his words had had on Segundus, who he thought suddenly looked very young sitting crossed legged in his night shirt on the bed and fidgeting with the blanket as he very clearly tried to hold back tears. 

"That was too harsh. I know you have tried. And you have done well. But it's true that I'm tired. And frustrated."

"You can take the bed, if you want," said Segundus, already moving to get up. "You're entirely right. This has been unfair and I'm terrible not to have seen it before." 

"I don't want you to sleep on the floor, Segundus." 

"Or we could share the bed, if you'd like." 

The comment caught Childermass off guard but Segundus continued with the innocence that Childermass had come to expect from him. 

"Head to toe. There's more than enough room." 

Childermass eyed the bed and space Segundus had moved over to make for him. 

"I'm not delicate," he said. "The floor is fine. It's just been a very hard day." 

"No one said you were delicate." 

Segundus' face was so eager to make up for the last several days in any way possible and Chidermass so regretful of his outburst, that he took his pillow and climbed up on to the bed.  
"We can try it for tonight and see if this is better," said Segundus as he lay back down. "If not, we can find some time tomorrow to think of a different solution."

He added quickly, "If you'd like, that is."

"You're trying too hard to be nice to me." 

Childermass had only said it when he realized that Segundus was probably not trying at all, but simply following his natural kind instincts. 

The men pulled the blankets over themselves and Segundus closed his eyes, feeling less guilty now that he had hopes of Childermass' increased comfort. As soon as he was settled, he felt Childermass move in the bed and understood that he was undressing, the same as he had every other night. Childermass removed his clothes, pulling his shirt off first and then sliding his breeches down his legs until they were bare, and dropped them next to the bed. 

"They will wrinkle..." said Segundus and was surprised to hear Childermass laugh warmly from the other end of the bed. 

"Thank you for your concern. But nobody cares how I look." 

In the bed, their legs brushed against each other’s' as they maneuvered the space in the bed. When Segundus turned, his hip grazed Childermass' and seconds later, their hands moved into the same space at the same time their fingers touched briefly. Segundus wanted to apologize but he had become very tense at the close proximity to and accidental touching of a naked person in his bed and speaking was too difficult. They laid with their backs to each other, spines and thighs parallel under the blankets. Already their bodies were working on their own to synchronize breathing and the bed was warm. Childermass quickly grew annoyed with the blankets and kicked them away, spreading out as much as he could in the process. Segundus lay rigid in his spot. 

"Are you uncomfortable?" asked Childermass. 

"No!" 

"I imagine it is lack of practice, but you're a poor liar." 

"Please," said Segundus. He could feel that Childermass would get up from the bed and his guilt could not handle seeing him back on the floor. "Please, don't move. And don't say anything else about it. I'm fine." 

Childermass was quiet and Segundus was content that he had been convinced to try this arrangement for one night at least. 

Segundus could not see Childermass' face, or he would have realized what he had done.

In the morning, Segundus woke to find that Childermass was still in bed next him. He was not surprised as he had woken first each morning until now. He carefully moved to avoid touching or seeing too much the naked body in his bed and sat up. 

With horror, he saw that Childermass' eyes were open and he was in the now familiar, vacantly happy daze that mean he was under Segundus' command and only aware that he was doing as he had been told and wholly content in that. Segundus thought back in a fury to his last words the evening before and his face blanched as what he had done hit him.

"Childermass! You can move. Please, move! And you can say whatever you want." 

Childermass blinked as his gaze moved to Segundus and the release from the imperative lifted. His breath was heavy and slightly ragged. The sun feel across a space at the corner of the bed where his chest was and Childermass pulled himself up into the bed shakily into it, sitting in that bright spot holding one of the bed posts for support. 

"Childermass..." 

He shook his head at Segundus. 

His anger was so apparent that Segundus was stuck where he sat. Childermass dressed and staggered across the room. He opened the door to the bedroom and left without looking back. As the door shut with a thud that made Segundus wince, the bond between the men strained to its maximum. From the other side of the door, Childermass gave a loud curse. There was a thump like he had lashed out against the wall with his fist and then a cry. 

Segundus heard the door to Honeyfoot's room down the hall open. 

"Mr Childermass! Are you alright? What has happened? Why, you're bleeding!" 

Segundus jumped from the bed and ran to the door, trying not to think of the release he felt when he moved nearer to Childermass. In the hall, Childermass was slumped onto his knees, his forehead against the wall. His left hand hung down to him the knuckles dripping blood. Honeyfoot rushed to him and Segundus stepped toward him as well, an apprehensive half step. 

Segundus became aware that he was crying at the same time he noticed that Childermass was too. 

Thankfully, Mr Honeyfoot was in command of his powers of speech. 

"Mr Segundus! Please, what's going on?" 

"I have betrayed him," said Segundus. Ashamed as he was to not be helping Childermass, he was even more ashamed at the thought of Honeyfoot seeing that Childermass would reject him should he try to touch him or speak to him, which was almost certain would happen. "You must help us fix this." 

After a few minutes Childermass allowed himself to be helped to his feet and Segundus and Honeyfoot moved him back into Segundus' room and onto the bed while he said that he was fine, that he would recover on his own. The noise had roused Charles and the other male servant, who stood at the top of the stairs and then in the door, curious and fearful, until Segundus asked them to please give then privacy and assured them that everything was fine. 

Neither man could quite explain to Honeyfoot had had occurred. Segundus walked to his chest of drawers, from which he pulled a handkerchief. He handed it to Honeyfoot and Childermass allowed him to wrap his hand. 

While Honeyfoot and Segundus stood next to the bed watching him for further signs of distress, Childermass fell asleep and Segundus felt his body uncoil with relief.  
"When he wakes up," he said to Honeyfoot. "We will try the spell to part us."


	7. A New Spell

Honeyfoot protested again and again that it was too dangerous, that they did not understand enough of what had been done to free Lady Pole for them to safely try the magic on Segundus and Childermass. He begged his friend to be calm and wait. 

Segundus continued to assert that it was far more dangerous for them to go on as they had.

"Who knows what I will say next? What if I do something that I can't reverse? How will I live with myself, Mr Honeyfoot?" 

Mr Honeyfoot had no answer. 

Childermass slept into the evening and Segundus sat the by the bed for the duration of the day. 

Honeyfoot came up to the room with food twice and to take it away again when it was cold since Segundus would not touch it. He comforted the worried servants for Segundus and helped clean the drops of blood leading from the hall to the bed so that they wouldn't become more concerned. 

When Childermass woke, Segundus was still sitting next to his bed. Honeyfoot was asleep in a chair sitting in the corner as he had not wanted to abandon Segundus when he was so upset. When Segundus saw Childermass' eyes open, he held up a notebook displaying a sheet of paper on which he had written: 

"I plan to remain silent until you are freed from me." 

"Careful," said Childermass. He winced and looked down at his hand and the bloody handkerchief wrapped around it and rolled his eyes as he remembered the injury. "We haven't experimented with the effect your pretty handwriting might have on me." 

Segundus dipped his head and looked away. Mr Honeyfoot woke then, straightening himself out in the chair and stretching. Segundus motioned anxiously and Honeyfoot walked to stand next to him.

"Mr Segundus has asked me to be his voice for the time being," he explained. .

"Very well," said Childermass. 

Honeyfoot wrung his hands and his brow creased. 

"He has planned to do something very foolish when you wake, something very, very foolish. I am strongly opposed-"

Segundus gently grabbed Honeyfoot's arm, shaking his head. 

"No, Mr Segundus," said Honeyfoot with uncharacteristic firmness toward his younger friend. "No. I have to say it. I don't agree with your plan. I don't agree with you putting yourself and Mr Childermass in danger like this." 

Childermass sat up in the bed. He felt sweaty from sleeping through a summer day in his clothes and peeled them away from his skin. 

"What plan?"

"He wants to improvise a reversal of the spell he used to free Lady Pole and attempt parting you immediately. He insists you're safer that way." 

Childermass and Segundus met eyes and Childermass nodded. 

"Yes," he said. "We must try it." 

"No!" said Honeyfoot again, looking between them. "Have you no concern for own safety, either of you?" 

Segundus signaled to Honeyfoot and Honeyfoot bent so that Segundus could whisper in his ear. 

"Mr Segundus says that this is exactly what he is considering. Your safety, Mr Childermass. He says that any risk to himself he can bear, he only wants you to be well again and to have your old life back." 

Childermass gave a sarcastic half bow toward Segundus and Segundus flinched as though physically hurt by it. 

"I'm hungry," said Childermass. "Surely this great magical experiment can wait until after I have eaten, especially as this may be my last meal for all we know." 

Segundus looked entreatingly to Honeyfoot, who left the room to go bring back something for Childermass to eat. When he had left, Segundus stared down at the floor. 

Childermass was content with the silence until Honeyfoot returned with a bowl of cold soup and a chunk of bread in one hand and a glass of water in the other. Childermass gulped the water first and then devoured the food in a matter of minutes. Honeyfoot set the dishes aside for him and Childermass turned to Segundus, who was sitting still and quiet with his hands folded in his lap, like a boy in church. 

"Well, we are waiting for you, Segundus," said Childermass. "This is your magic." 

Segundus stood and walked to the chest of drawers where he had earlier retrieved the handkerchief on Childermass' hand. He opened the top one and after moving several things around, he pulled out a small box. When Segundus lifted the lid, choppy, metallic music leaked into the room. He pulled from it a worn piece of paper and then shut it and the room was silent again.

"Please, reconsider," said Honeyfoot. 

Segundus shook his head and walked back to the bed where Childermass was still slumped in a sitting position supported by the wall.

"Mr Childermass," said Honeyfoot. "Convince him, please. He is too distraught to decide on this. As are you." 

"I am not distraught," said Childermass. 

Honeyfoot threw his hands in the air in frustration and turned back to his friend. 

"Mr Segundus. Think of those you love. Think of-"

Segundus waved his hands and beckoned Honeyfoot to him. He whispered something that made Honeyfoot frown and take a step back from him and then risked meeting eyes with Childermass. 

"What?" asked Childermass to Honeyfoot. 

"He says, wrongly if I may add, that he is a bachelor and will leave no widow or children and so he will deprive no one if he should fail and perish in the process." 

Childermas raised a tired eyebrow. 

"Well, Norrell always did say magicians shouldn't marry. Are you ready, Segundus?" 

Segundus nodded and unfolded the paper in his hands. He stared down at it and thought for some time on the words and what happened the day in winter when he had released Lady Pole from her enchantment. He could not say if he had been more scared then or now at the task ahead of him. 

"I will need some thing of yours to do the magic, Childermass," he whispered. "I think you remember how it is done." 

Childermass watched him for what felt like a long time, and then directed Honeyfoot to the pocket of his light summer coat, hanging on the side of Segundus' wardrobe. 

"You may you use my cards, Segundus," Childermass said. "I believe they will make the magic strongest, as they are very important to me." 

Honeyfoot went to the coat and took the worn and dirty cards, which he handed to Segundus. 

Segundus took the cards and fixed his thoughts on what he wanted to do and in his mind, he moved around the words of the spell. 

For some time, nothing happened and he concentrated on his goal with more intensity. He imagined Childermass freed from the constraints that had melded them together and the magic that left him vulnerable to Segundus' every word. He put an image in his mind of Childermass as he had known him before the fairy spell had take place. Segundus moved the spell again in his mind and supplied some new phrases from his own heart and he heated this mixture with a force inside of him desperate to undo the wrongs of the last several days. 

He felt a sharp pain at his stomach. He opened his eyes in shock and saw that Childermass was hunched over on the bed, clutching at his middle. Segundus nearly stopped but Childermass grimaced and twisted his face to one side in as much of a shaking of his head as he could manage. 

Segundus continued and he now gave the magic his regret and hurt and told it that he did not want it anymore and those feelings twisted into the spell that Segundus could feel winding its way through him, like plant breaking through the soil. He gave the magic as well his thankfulness that for all that happened, Childermass was still here, in his home, in England, and alive.

His last thoughts before things went black was of the laugh Childermass had laughed the night before, shortly before Segundus had so carelessly trapped him in the commands that had left him mute and motionless in his bed. 

He heard a shout but he had fallen into a place where his consciousness was narrowing by the second and he could not tell whose it was of the three men in the room or even if it was his own. 

There was a second while Segundus was still within the light of wakefulness that he heard Mr Honeyfoot say "Mr Childermass?" and then more urgently "Mr Childermass!" 

Before things went dark, Segundus' most powerful plea was for Childermass to have back the happiness that given him that laugh. 

When Segundus next woke it was morning, late morning and his face was hot. Perched on the windowsill was a white cat watching him with a titled head. As he watched, the cat mewed and crawled onto a nearby tree branch and disappeared into the leaves. Segundus and his sheets were covered in sweat and a cool cloth was at his forehead. He heard footsteps and turned his head to see Honeyfoot pacing the room.

"Oh, thank goodness," said Honeyfoot when saw Segundus' eyes were open. He scrambled to the bed where he picked up a large glass of water sitting on the floor and offered it to Segundus. "At last, you're both awake." 

Segundus lifted his head and took the glass of water from Honeyfoot. In seconds had he had drunk it, some of the water spilling down his face onto his pillow.  


"Where is Childermass?" He asked as Honeyfoot poured him another glass. He drank that one too and then lay back down. 

"In the other room. He's very weak and cannot walk now, but he is eating you out of house and home, Mr Segundus." 

Segundus pushed himself into a sitting position and pushed his blanket away. He stared down at his stomach like he would see something missing there. But there was nothing. The magic linking them was severed.

"You have both been asleep," said Mr Honeyfoot, "but Childermass woke a few hours ago. I noticed that he was very warm and thirsty and I thought you might be as well and I was correct. This is very curious magic, Mr Segundus." 

Segundus stayed in bed that day, but by evening, was well enough to stand and walk around his room. He found the spell he had used as a template to part him and Childermass dropped and crumpled under the bed and after some thought, put it away where he had kept it after it had freed Lady Pole. 

Honeyfoot went up and down the stairs all day and back and forth between Segundus and Childermass, bringing food and cool rags for their faces and constantly imploring them both to have water. He had thought it best to let the servants have a day free from the odd happenings of Starecross and the house was silent but for the little complaints of the old boards of the house as Honeyfoot went about taking care of them. 

"How is he?" asked Segundus. He was tired again and resting with a book by the window, where outside the sun was finally being lowered behind the trees. Honeyfoot had just come from Childermass' room and was still balancing his dishes in one arm as he gathered Segundus'. 

"He says this is preferable to being shot," answered Honeyfoot wearily. "Though not something he would recommend to pass an afternoon. The man is very insincere at times." 

"But is he well?"

"I think he is," said Honeyfoot, but he wore a worried expression underneath the calm he attempted to display. 

Segundus took that thought with him when he returned to bed that night and considered strongly if his magic was good magic or not. 

He had not yet managed to sleep an hour later when he heard the noise of a door opening and a whispering human voice, which was Childermass'. 

There was hardly time for him to sit up before he heard a thump outside his door and Segudus left his bed and went see what the sound was. 

What he found was John Childermass lying in the hallway outside his room, his hair stuck to his head with sweat and a slightly too short night shirt similarly plastered to his body.

"Oh, look," said Childermass. "It's John Segundus, the scourge of fairy magic." 

Segundus bent down to look Childermass in the eye. His face was red and his eyes not quite focused. 

"I think..." He took a deep breath and paused. Each word he spoke terrified him now. "You're very warm. Would you allow a cool bath, Childermass?"

Childermass groaned and Segundus did what he thought was best and put an arm around Childermass' shoulder and with great effort, pulled him up. 

He got Childermass back into his bed and then ran downstairs. He filled a pitcher with water and grabbed some clean rags from the closet. 

When he returned to the room where Childermass was lying on his back in bed, Segundus set the water and the cloth down and removed the soaked night shirt from Childermass. He dipped the cloth in the water and wet Childermass face and neck and shoulders. Childermass gave a small moan but did not ask him to stop. Segundus continued down to his chest and then he went back downstairs to get cooler water. When he returned, Segundus wiped Childermass' chest again then each leg in turn, too frantic to even feel shy about touching Childermass in many areas that nearly bordered on intimate.


	8. To Be In Your Heart Different from Others

Segundus rolled Childermass over when he was done bathing his legs and pushed his hair aside to put cool water on the nape of his neck and then his back. Childermass' body felt cooler to the touch now, but Segundus applied the cloth to his shoulder blades again and felt a small shudder under his hands. 

"You're going to drown me," said Childermass, lifting his face from the pillow. Segundus drew away and Childermass turned to his side and then let himself fall onto his back. He closed his eyes briefly as if moving even that small amount had cost him a lot of energy and then opened them again 

He looked first at Segundus, who was watching him with a gaping mouth, and then down at his naked body and smirked. 

"Good. I see you got rid of that night shirt Honeyfoot forced me in to." 

Segundus was approaching delirium with the relief he felt. Here in front of him, Chilermass was breathing and speaking and he had given Segundus one of the moments of that let him believe all would be well in the end. He was comforted even by the landmarks on Childermass' body that he had put to heart over the last three mornings and nights. He still tried not to look, but the chest moving with Childermass' breath had the pattern of hair that Segundus knew he would only find on that one man's body and it was a welcome sight. He brushed some hair from his forehead and saw that his hands were shaking and he lowered them with care to avoid Childermass seeing. 

"This magic has been very hard on you,” he said. “I don’t understand why I have recovered and you haven’t.”

“Maybe I am being punished for leaving my master,” said Childermass. 

This was a hard thought for Segundus to introduce to his mind. He frowned as he as he set the wet rag on the floor.

“Did you know that you left your bed?" Segundus asked. 

"Yes," Childermass. "It did not work exactly as planned, but I was looking for you, so I suppose I met my goal." 

"What for?" 

"To tell you well done. To ease your mind and let you see that your magic had really not killed me. To apologize. I was much more unkind to you than I like to remember."

Segundus opened his mouth to say something, but stopped suddenly, remembering that only one of the two spells over them had been broken. 

"You are frightened of yourself still?" 

Segundus nodded. He had been kneeling on the floor while he bathed Childermass and got up now and sat on the bed next to him. He allowed his body a bit of respite from the fright of the last several minutes and slowly, his aggressively beating heart resumed a normal rhythm and the shaking in his hands faded.  
Segundus turned back to cover up Childermass, who had started shivering a bit from the cold water on his skin and then he rested his head in his hands and let his mind drain of thoughts as much as it would. 

Childermass' injured hand dangled from the bed, spots of red making a map of its encounter with the wall on the white. When Segundus noticed, he motioned at it with a nod while looking at Childermass, who nodded back. He took the hand and undid the bandage made from his handkerchief. Using the wet rag, he wiped the crusted blood away and then wrapped it again with the one that was still dry. 

"I did not get to say it, Segundus," said Childermass. "Well done. What you did on my behalf, to give back some of my freedom; it did not go unnoticed. It was also very good magic." 

"It was..." Segundus could think of no words to finish the sentence how he wanted, how he felt he should. Instead, he used the pitcher he had brought to the bedside to pour Chidermass a glass of water. 

"It was as I said. Good magic and a kind act." 

Childermass took the water from Segundus' hand and drank it in a desperate gulp that Segundus watched go down his throat. He handed the glass back and Segundus set it on the floor and turned away again. The room was quiet and Segundus considered to himself if it was necessary to stay with Childermass until Honeyfoot woke. Several minutes had passed without speaking when Segundus jumped at the feeling of a hand placed softly on his thigh. His shock at the touch caused Childermass to draw his hand back quickly. By the time Segundus had swiveled to look at him, Childermass had flicked his eyes away. 

"Childermass." 

"Do not misunderstand me-" 

"Childermass," he said again, but he did not think Childermass understood what he was trying to let him know. 

In offering, Segundus put one of his hands on the bed next to him. Childermass studied it for a while, like it was something dangerous he must approach with caution, before taking it in his own, loosely at first, fearfully, and when he found no objection, tighter. The hand he used was his injured one, but he did not grimace like action was painful to him. 

"I do not understand," said Segundus, watching their hands together. Childermass did not give an answer but not letting go of him and Segundus became fascinated by the feeling of their palms pressed together. 

"Segundus-" 

"I think-" Segundus' voice got caught in a choke. "I think, confusing as it may be, that we can use each other's Christian names now. The last few days have given us that, at least."

"John, then. There is something I have wondered. And now is the time to ask. Are you- were you- in love with Jonathan Strange?" 

"No!" 

Segundus could feel himself beginning to blush and thought it odd that this was only just now happening considering that he was holding hands with a nude man whom had he just touched all over his body. 

"I admired him. Admire him. But he was a married man. And besides..." 

Segundus could feel, even though he had broken eye contact with Childermass, that he was still being watched carefully. He could sense that Childermass was waiting for something from him and so he glanced over for a second to tell him yes to whatever it was. 

"When you think of love," asked Childermass. "What is that to you? What does that person look like?" 

"I cannot say-" 

"Have you never for a moment allowed yourself to imagine happiness?" 

"It is very difficult-" Segundus began. He lifted his eyes for a moment and looked over at Childermass and then away again. "To live as a poor man. To be, in your heart, different from others." 

"Is that your answer?" 

His fear very nearly did not let him speak, but he was able to the say the one word he needed. 

"Yes." 

Silence, allowed introduction, grew between them. At first Segundus was not sure what shape the silence would take, but it was soft and kind. He had not known what to expect after he said what he did, as he had never said to anyone before, but Childermass held his hand still and he was comforted by it. 

"It is a fine answer," said Childermass after a time. "Would you consider me? As friend? Or as more?" 

"John," he stumbled, caught unaware by what the name sounded like. It was his own name, one he had heard so often but, like the spell that had broken them apart yesterday, had been given sudden new meaning. "John, I did not know, hadn't thought that this was possible-" 

Childermass was watching him, trying not smile. 

"I did not know," Segundus said again feebly. 

Childermass laughed and Segundus thought back to the magic he had done the night before. Unlike when he freed Lady Pole, he could still feel the spell he had done yesterday burrowed in him and it woke now, pulsing. 

"All that was required was a yes or no," said Childermass. 

And Segundus nodded. 

Childermass pulled himself up in the bed and leaned over and kissed him. 

The first kiss was soft. The magic inside Segundus stretched happily when their mouths met, as if it liked the closeness of Childermass, or wanted him to know something. He moved closer in the bed since Childermass could not. 

The second kiss was much longer and some of the caution was gone between them. John Segundus felt that the magic, the magic that so clearly piqued when Childermass was touching him, would soon burn pin prick holes through his skin. Childermass held Segundus softly at the base of his neck with one hand and laid back on the bed as the kiss continued.

Segundus did not know how to move in a bed with another person but felt a hand at his back leading him closer and then it moved and guided one leg apart until his knees were on either side of Childermass. Their bodies met, pressed together at the hips where Segundus' night shirt had ridden up to. He felt Childermass moving with care underneath him and his body responding to their movements against each other and the meeting of skin. The filled each other's mouths with little moans and those and the occasional, stifled sound of the name John from one of them were all that could be heard in the room for some time. 

And then Childermass shivered fiercely and Segundus opened his eyes. He pulled away and studied Childermass looking up at him. The shiver he had felt in Childermass moved again through him and his hairline was beaded with sweat. 

"You aren't well, still," he said. 

Childermass would not confirm it, but he shook again and shut his eyes for the span of several labored breaths. When he opened them, Segundus was still watching him with concern. 

"You know if you were so inclined, you could tell me to be well enough to be with you now and I would be. You could tell me to want you and if I didn't already, I would. If you desired more than a night, you could tell me to love you. I would live in blissful happiness only able to show you that I did." 

"I could not," said Segundus. "I could never." 

"I would know no difference. You would not even try it for a moment, to see what it was like? I would not even have to remember it. 'Childermass, forget.' That is all you would have to say. It would be like it had never happened at all, for me."

"Why would you say this to me? It's very frightening." 

Childermass sighed deeply. 

"Only to show you, to tell you, how uncommonly good you are. I am sorry to have frightened you." 

Segundus moved his body from on top of Childermass' and sat on the bed next to him. He felt he had to touch him still in some way, could not help but give into the want of it, so he rested his hand on Childermass' chest.

"I don't think, while this spell stands, that I can, that we can, be together in this way," he said. "I think it's both unsafe and unfair to you."

"That you cannot think of yourself even now is both endearing and frustrating to me," said Childermass and he put his hand on top of Segundus'.

"I can't have done all that I have only to be careless with your well-being now." 

The nod of affirmation and thanks Childermass gave was barely perceptible, but Segundus saw it. 

"Could I at least see this body that you have been hiding from me for days?" Childermass asked.

Segundus was surprised at how little he had to think on this request. In answer, he removed his hand from Childermass’ chest and pulled his night shirt over his head and let himself be studied as knelt on the bed. When Childermass's eyes had not left him for several unbroken seconds, he felt he had to ask. 

"What?" 

Childermass sighed again. Segundus was beginning to notice that he did this often, but he did not mind. 

"You would not believe me if I told you." 

Segundus had nothing to weigh the experience against, but he felt that he did not mind being watched by Childermass at all and sat still and comfortable for some time like that. 

"Will you dress and leave me?" asked Childermass. 

"Not if you don't want it," said Segundus. 

"I don't." 

Segundus lay down in the bed took Childermass into his arms, absorbing some of the shivers still going through him. Their legs wrapped around each other’s and because his neck was so close, Segundus kissed it. 

In minutes, Childermass had fallen asleep again and Segundus told the magic pulling at him for an answer that Childermass would be well and he would not leave him and that it could rest.


	9. Magic and Magician

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Author note:  
> Okay, I realized after writing this bit and rereading that I have a distinct headcannon for what Segundus' magic looks and acts like and I am kind of curious if anyone can guess.)

Segundus did not sleep that night but stayed awake watching Childermass. He held him close against him, as much of their skin touching as possible. 

At first it was just because of the pleasant feeling Childermass' body. He did not know how many nights of even small physical pleasure he would have and he tried not to feel guilty that this first one came as it did. He reminded himself continuously that he had been invited, both to the bed and into this long embrace. 

But then, the longer Segundus was there in the bed trying to memorize how it felt to hold a person as they slept in case it should not happen again, the more the magic began to wake in him. It made inquiries and it nudged at its creator and it strained toward the source of its inspiration; John Childermass. It wanted very much to be close to the person for whom it had been created to save and it posed questions to Segundus about him. 

Like a patient father, Segundus explained. Feel this back pressed to my stomach? This arm tucked under mine? There he is. I am here with him. Be still, Segundus told the magic. I won't leave him. And the magic told him it would help. So Segundus sent it out again as he had before, and this time, he told the magic of the whole and healthy body he wanted Childermass to have and it set to work. 

Soon, Childermass cooled to a normal temperature and his shaking stopped. He made content sighs in his sleep as he slipped closer to health that only the other man in the bed would hear. 

Segundus' magic bubbled with happiness at each one and wanted to know if it had done well. The magician told the magic that it had done very well.  


Segundus thought that he might risk staying there in the bed exactly as he was. He thought that he did not care who found them and how, only that Childermass was getting better and he did not want to leave. 

But Childermass woke on his own when there was a small window of thin darkness before sunrise. His eyes opened and the magic filled Segundus with effervescence at the sight of Childermass slowly remembering that Segundus was there and smiling a small smile that did not quite part his lips. 

Childermass rolled over to where he could see his partner and he realized within a few seconds the absence of pain and the coolness of his skin and strong, even breaths in his chest. 

"Did you do this, Segundus?" he asked. 

"I guess," he said, "that I did." 

They were facing each other in the bed, noses only inches apart. John Segundus felt his body might overwhelmed at any moment. From the persistent purr of the magic appreciating that Childermass was stroking the small of his back, to the fact that Childermass was doing that; he had never felt so many sensations vying for his attention. And then Childermass moved so that their mouths were touching and gave him a soft, lazy kiss. He could only shut his eyes briefly and grip at Childermass's shoulders to keep steady as his body decided it had room for one more bit of pleasure. 

"You are a wonder,” said Childermass when the kiss ended. 

He rolled onto his back and Segundus moved his head to Childermass' chest, happy to now be held. 

The thin darkness got thinner. Morning threatened to tear through it at any moment. 

"I think you were right," said Segundus. "The fairy magic doesn't like that you can leave me and it was doing something to you. But something happened with my own magic. I can't explain it." 

Childermass gave a pleased stretch in the bed and yawned. 

"Then, for now, don't try to. You can dress and we'll talk about it later." 

Yes, thought Segundus. We can do that. We have some time now, you and I.


	10. Good Magic

There was a cold snap in the last days of September and the men named John brought an extra blanket to their bed on the last night it would be theirs before becoming, for a time, John Segundus' alone again. 

Neither wanted to leave their bed on the morning that Childermass departed from Starecross, but it was eventually necessary for Childermass to pull himself from his lovers' arms out into the chill of the room. 

For the last time for several months at least, Segundus watched him dress. For the last time for several months at least, Childermass returned to the bed before leaving the room and kissed Segundus. Normally they would see each other again in a matter of minutes, but today he took a moment to appreciate the feeling of Segundus’ soft hair between his fingers because it was uncertain when he would again be there to do it 

For the last time for several months at least, they had breakfast together, though neither could think of much of anything to say that day. 

"You're not a plant, John Segundus. You need more than air and sunlight to subsist on. Eat." 

This was the last time for how long neither knew that Childermass would get to chide while Segunds frowned in thought over his tea and let his food get cold.  


It would be October the day after tomorrow. By then, John Childermass would be gone and far away. 

Throughout the summer, the men had studied and worked to break the spell that gave Segundus power over Childermass. Mr Honeyfoot had come and gone a few times, staying for a week or so and bringing help, new books and ideas, and settling disputes. If he was ever confused at why the men named John were so rarely apart though it was now possible for them to be so, he did not mention it. If he wondered why Childermass had stayed so long once he was free of his link to Segundus, they could not tell. 

The men named John had gone away in August for a fortnight in search of a text they thought would help them. 

It had not. 

It was over three months after the fairy sisters had gifted John Segundus with control over his friend, now his companion in each moment of the day, and they had not been able to break the spell. 

Earlier in the month, they had fought for days over whether or not to attempt to summon the oldest of the red haired fairy sisters and had, in the end, decided that Segundus could not risk a meeting with her even if they managed to bring her to him. That had not been a concern to him initially and Segundus was really only convinced of the danger of the task when Childermass pointed out that should the oldest fairy sister think Segundus did not want him that she might follow through with her plan to take him with her.  


Because the summer was gone and the spell was not yet broken and there were many things to do, Childermass would today leave on his other business. When he was able, he would return and they would resume their life and their studies. The bed would have two bodies in it again. The mornings would be again be filled with excusing each extra minute together, admiring looks to a body pulling on clothes in the dark, departing kisses, and touches to hair. They would have that until the next time he needed to leave, for the days or weeks they could scrounge. 

Segundus followed Childermas back upstairs after breakfast and watched him gather his few possessions while he hovered close by. 

"Perhaps, by Christmas," he said. 

"I would like that," said Childermass. 

"If all the students leave." 

"Even if they don't. I will try to be home then."

For as much as he had a home, it was where John Segundus was. 

All his things were ready and now, there were really only minutes, an assortment of them falling away with each foot step and word. 

Segundus had been hoping for rain. He thought Childermass might not leave if there were rain. There had been clouds when they were at breakfast, but by the time Childermass' things were packed, they had already begun to lift. He frowned at them and wondered briefly if it would be possible to do a weather spell to bring the clouds back and fill them with a downpour that would keep Childermass here. 

He was glad when Childermass remembered an important letter that he needed to write. He was even more thankful that halfway through he said it was all wrong and that he needed to start over. Segundus watched Childermass at his writing. The troublesome good weather let in some unlively morning sunlight through the window. Childermass switched from his right to his left hand to finish the letter. It was an action of his that Segundus had long ago put to memory and did not know how he could go off only recollections of it until Childermass was back and writing letters here where he could see him. 

When he was done, instead of folding the letter, he stood and left it on the desk. 

“Not till I’ve been gone for an hour, John. Promise. “ 

He did.

Childermass’ departure was now imminent enough that he was putting on his outerwear; his coat and hat a further countdown in the time they had. 

Segundus could not help but think that at any moment he wanted, he could stop it. He had the power if he cared to use it, to tell Childermass to take off the coat and the hat and stay. He was always a few words he would never say away from making their life together Childermass’ only thought. The restraint they had both been using for months could be thrown away and he could, they could, take to their bed this very morning as lovers in action as well as name. Childermass would not even need to be compelled to if only Segundus would give in and if only he would not leave. But those thoughts were terrifying to him, especially as he feared that his reluctance to see Childermass go might cause him to blurt out his deepest feelings. 

Stay here, he wanted to say. Only he could not because then Childermass would and it would be tainted. Tonight, I will bring a warm bath to the room for us, he wanted to say. Tonight, you can dry my hair with a towel and we can go back to the book we are reading. You like all of those things, but to do them you must stay. It was uncomfortable to know that he could hardly say he what wished Childermass would do without making it so and ruining everything. 

Instead he thought of Christmas. Maybe we will break the spell at Christmas. Solstices were auspicious for magic. Maybe he will be back by then, thought Segundus, and we can lift the spell and I can rest knowing that our love is not unequal, knowing that each touch is not wrong of me.

The maid offered to pack Mr Childermass some food for his journey, but Segundus had thanked her and told her that it was not necessary. He did it himself later and at the door, when Childermass’ coat and hat were on, Segundus handed the bundle to him. 

It was late morning and he followed Childermass out to the stable while he readied the horse to leave. 

"It might be a while, but I will write, as soon as I am able," Childermass told him. 

"Good, or I will think you've forgotten me." 

"Somehow, I don't think that will happen." 

Segundus watched Childermass work lifting on the saddle and fixing it in place and then, when the question he was holding could not wait any more, he spoke. 

"Are you sure you're comfortable with this? With leaving with the spell intact?" 

"I do not like the spell, but I trust you," said Childermass. He stopped his work and looked to where Segundus was standing with his arms wrapped around himself against the cold. "If I had been given to another person, I would have an eye on them at all times, if I was even free enough to do so. But my will is safe with you until we break the spell.” 

“We don’t even know what will happen with you gone from me so long. The fairy’s spell is still very aggressive with you. What if you become ill again?”

“I will make my way back here and you can refresh me with your good magic.”

Childermass walked to the door of the stable and looked out into the yard to see if anyone was around. When he returned, he kissed Segundus, who held on to his coat after. He rested his forehead against Childermass' shoulder for a moment, thinking that under the coat and jacket and all the other clothes was the skin he had slept against for over eighty nights. 

"When we break the spell," Segundus said. "We can finally be free with one another." 

"I had thought of it," said Childermass. “Much more often than you would think is proper, I’m sure.” 

"If you still want me, when that time comes, that is." 

"Will you still be John Segundus at that time?" 

"Of course." 

"Then," said Childermass as he stepped away, "don't worry about that."

Minutes later, John Childermass was a dark haired dot slowing blending into the horizon. And then he was not even that, though it was his lover's hope that soon he would be dark haired dot growing bigger until he was a man he could take in his arms. 

John Segundus told the magic rustling awake in him to search out for Childermass that it would not be long and he would be back.


	11. The Work of Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Childermass returns home for him his first visit after leaving Segundus in the fall.

Christmas had come and gone and Starecross was quiet.

Segundus had declined an invitation to travel to the Honeyfoot's because he did not want to be gone if Childermass should come back unexpectedly and he was alone for the duration of the holiday. He had tried not to be lonely, because Childermass had been worried about him being lonely. It was somewhat easy to a point as he was busy running a school. Small as it was now, and even with the students currently at home for a few weeks, there was much to do. There were books that needed to be read, correspondence to catch up on, and lessons for the new year to prepare. Up to a particular time of day, he was more or less fine.

It was when dark came that he felt the absence of the thing he had had for such a short time. It happened sometime after dinner, when he completed alone the routines that he enjoyed doing with Childermass. Even the quiet ones, the writing and reading, were hollow when done by himself. It happened when he had his bath. He did not like to have a bath alone any more as it made him miss Childermass washing his hair. They had only managed that secret ritual together a few times, but Segundus had enjoyed and memorized all the ways they had discovered to be intimate with one another that were not the act deprived them. Hands in his hair and water down his neck and face were part of their love making, what they did while the spell stood.

Segundus had fallen into the habit of staying up too late during the holidays as a way to avoid going back to a bed that seemed very cold and empty these days. It was long after midnight and he was reading when he heard a noise outside. The magic knew what it was, or who it was. It gave a pull at Segundus, who nearly dropped his hot tea on himself in surprise at the feeling of Childermass’ special magic waking in him.

Segundus set down the tea and jumped up just in time to hear a body crash against the door. He ran to the sound, knowing what it was.

Childermass was outside slumped against the door, where he had fallen in a puddle of the afternoon's rain. He was further soaked through from his ride and his lips and face were chilled and a pale, bloodless color. Segundus bent to him but even as he did, Childermass reached for him and groaned out a plea.

"The magic, John. Please."

Segundus peeled one of Childermass' gloves off and pressed their palms together and the magic was happy to flow into him once again, as it had been waiting to do for months. Childermass closed his eyes to savor the feeling and let Segundus pull him up and inside. He slumped against the wall when they were indoors and Segundus kneeled in front of him.

Segundus first took off Childermass’ other glove and dropped it to the floor. He took both Childermass’ hands and as the magic coming into him doubled, he let his head rest against the wall and his eyes shut. Childermass had not shaved for some time and under his eyes were worrying, dark hollows. The men sat like that for nearly ten minutes until Segundus thought it was safe to ask Childermass if he could move and helped him stand when he nodded that he could.

Each using one hand and letting the others stay connected so that the good magic could work on Childermass, switching when necessary to get his garments off, they carefully took of his coat and dropped it and his hat in the hall with no thought at leaving them there and then stumbled upstairs. Childermass leaned against Segundus' shoulder for support and cold rainwater from his hair dripped onto both of them. A parade of muddy footprints followed them crookedly upstairs. 

In their room, Segundus laid Childermass on the bed. He reached for the buttons of his jacket to undress him but Childermass insisted there was not time for that now.

"Your skin," he begged.

Segundus got on the bed and put one leg on either side of Childermass' shaking body and knelt on top of him, and holding both his hands tightly. He kissed Childermass' neck once to give him some more of the magic and Childermass' mouth dropped open in a wordless sigh. Segundus gave that still open mouth a kiss and Childermass drank in the kiss and the magic until his eyes rolled back and then closed. When Segundus pulled back, he licked at his lips like an animal with a wound. 

It is not right, Segundus, thought. I was not supposed to get him back like this. But he had feared it. 

Several minutes later, Childermas was more settled and able to speak a few words and Segundus broke their connection momentarily and undressed him, unfastening icy buttons and dropping the wet clothes on the floor after they had been slid off his chill-bump covered body. Then he undressed himself and got into the bed to lay against Childemass. Segundus sent as much magic as he could into him at every point their bodies met and underneath him Chidermass, pressed back into him as much as he could to receive it. Childermass curled one leg around Segundus' and let go of one of his hands to hold the nape of Segundus’ neck desperately.

Segundus pushed the magic more than he ever had before and he heard Childermass call out underneath him.

He had missed the sound of his name in Childermass' voice, the way they had talked together when others were around, and the way he said it just for him when they were alone at their stilted routines of love making, but it was such a weak noise that Childermass made now. It had been so long since Segundus had cause to be frightened. 

"I will not stop," said Segundus. He became flustered as he chose his next words, frustrated that the fairy spell was still hampering his speech and preventing him from true freedom with Childermass. "You can rest, John. You are safe now. You are home."

They were quiet and still in the bed. The magic knew that Segundus had missed Chilermass and it had missed him too. Segundus did not need to remind the magic of the many happy mornings and nights in a bed shard with this man or remind it of how it had rushed to receive the feeling of Childermass’ fingers in his wet hair. The magic knew its job was to bring that back to Childermass and to Segundus and it was eager to move between the two men again and do its work. 

They had been silent for a long time when a faint and shaky voice parted the quiet terribly.

"Thank you, master,” said Childermass. 

There was no space for anything in John Segundus but those cold words. He could hardly lift his eyes to look up at Childermass, but he made himself. As his did, Childermass looked away. 

"John?"

"That was not intentional," said Childermass. "You were not supposed to know."

"What am I not supposed to know?”

"I'm sorry, John," he said. "I was hoping that I wouldn't have to tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"The fairy spell. It has been very difficult."

Segundus waited for him to continue, still hoping that Childermass would look at something other than the wall in front of him, give him some sort of comfort that it was not as bad as it seemed. 

"We started back here a few weeks ago," said Childermass.

"We?"

"Vinculus and I. He is with me. It took longer than expected and I got weaker as we went. The last few days, I have heard things. The spell has been clearly telling me that my master will be angry, that I have done wrong by leaving him. It got very strong, near the end.”

"And you have fought those messages?"

"As best I can."

Segundus sat up in the bed. For a second, he forgot that Childermass needed his touch and his magic and pulled back. When Childermass flinched, he reached for him again, resting a hand on a sharp hip bone. 

"And that is what made you say what you said?” he asked. “You were driven by the spell to thank me, as your master, for accepting you home, for giving you comfort?"

"Yes," said Childermass. “But they were not my thoughts, or my words. You know that.” 

"John," said Segundus. He took a breath to steady himself. "What you said-"

He stopped, again held back by the nature of the spell over them that could turn his words into Childermass' only desire before he was hardly done speaking them. He was tired of not being able to speak to this man without filling himself with fear. 

"What you said. It has left me heartbroken. I don’t think I can bear to hear it a second time. Do you understand? Can you tell me I won’t have to hear it?"

"It will not happen again. Being here and seeing you have made my mind clearer. The fairy magic is quiet. And I know that it was wrong. You are not someone who would hurt me.” 

Gingerly, Segundus moved back to his place in the bed and let himself be embraced. Childermass used most of the strength he had gained since arriving to pull him close. 

"I'm sorry to have spoiled our reunion," said Childermass.

"You have not. I have wanted John Childermass in his bed and he's here."

At the base of his neck, where the softest hairs were, Segundus felt a rough hand rest.

"I know I shouldn't ask it,” said Segundus. “But if it were possible- oh, John, I am trying so hard.”

Thankfully, Childermass knew what he needed to hear. 

"I do not think of you as my master," said Childermass. When he continued, his voice was quiet. “It is never a word that comes into my mind when I think of you. In fact, it’s far too easy to forget that my master is what you are.” 

“There is no question. Tomorrow I am up early to double the efforts at breaking this spell. I cannot have this anymore. It has never been clearer that you aren’t safe while it stands.”

The hand at the base of his neck was warmer now than it was when first put there. It had not been magic, just the work of his own skin and the blood moving under it. Segundus felt long fingers give his neck a tired, affectionate squeeze.

“I know you’re worried. But I am tired. I wouldn’t say no to a morning of rest, if you wouldn’t.” He looked down at the body curled against his and sighed. “I’ve thought of it, while I was gone. And now, I am safe. ”

“There is Vinculus.” 

“He knows where I sleep and with whom,” said Childermass. “He guessed as much a long time ago, no surprise. He only says that you are too good looking for me, but that that is your business.’” 

“Then,” said Segundus, “if you would like it, we will rest.” 

It was winter and the nights were at their longest. It was late, but the morning was still a far away. The house was empty but for them and Vinculus, at least until day after tomorrow when the servants returned. The only person who might wake them already knew their secret and they were as free as they could hope to be. Childermass was the first to sleep, holding Segundus close to him in apology. When Segundus followed him, it was fitfully at first, but in sleep, his body only knew that he was not alone tonight and it gave in to relaxing against the warmth of the other body in the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't stay away from this story and picked it back up.  
> Also, sorry to the only person who saw the other, happier, goofier chapter I had planned to return with. This is what happened instead.


	12. No

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The men, with Vinculus' help, follow a lead

Childermass and Segundus slept very late the next day. It was only minutes from being afternoon by the time Segundus removed himself from where he had draped over Childermass and pulled back the blanket covering them. Childermass opened his eyes as the cold air hit his body. It was still a cloudy day and he watched Segundus' back and shoulders move in the struggling winter light to reach for his clothes. 

"What are you doing?" he asked. 

"As you have often reminded me when I forget a meal, food is necessary to live. Magic is fine, but I don't know how long it's been since you've eaten. I am going to get some lunch for us." 

"I guessed that. But what are you doing now? With your clothes?" 

"I am dressing. Of course." 

"You are in your own home, Segundus. And you are with me. A dressing gown would do." 

"We aren't alone." 

Despite his tiredness, Childermass smiled. 

"I promise you, there is nothing that Vinculus finds less shocking than a human body, or part of one. In fact, it's often a source of contention between us, how little he cares who he sees naked or who sees him naked."

Segundus was convinced to leave his clothes where they were and went instead to his wardrobe, where he pulled out his warmest dressing gown and put it on.

Downstairs, Segundus found Vinculus happily sitting on floor of the larder with a pie that had been baked before the maid left. He was not surprised at all by that, but was a bit more confused by the sight of a white cat sitting next to Vinclus, cleaning his face with tongue and paw. The animal had made itself known from time to time in the summer and Charles was quite fond of it and fed it scraps, but the thing had not been around for months. 

"Well, John Childermass has certainly traded up in masters," Vinculus said between bites when he saw Segundus. "Gilbert Norrell never had legs like that." 

Segundus stopped in the middle of reaching for a loaf of bread. The cat sitting next to Vinculus put down the paw he had been using to clean himself and and gave a sniff with its pink triangle nose. 

"If you'll excuse me for saying it, Vinculus, I'm very tired and I don't find such jokes funny. In fact, they're rather tasteless, especially considering Childermass’ poor health.”  


To his surprise, Vinculus stopped his eating and appeared a bit sobered by what Segundus had said.

"You're right, young magician. You're right. It's evil magic that would take a man's will like that and do the things that have been done to him. My apologies." 

"Thank you. And it is evil magic. There's no other word for it." 

Segundus continued to gather food for him and Childermass and felt Vinculus watching him as he filled his arms. 

"Is he well, now? My Reader?" 

"He's improving," said Segundus. He thought for a moment and looked back at Vinculus. "How bad was it? How bad did he get on the way here?" 

"You care for him. Are you sure you want to know?" 

"I do." 

Vinculus put down his food and the cat moved towards it first, then stretched its back and curled up on the floor near his foot. 

"He won't thank me for this, you know." Vinculus reached down and scratched the cat's ear. "It was a worrisome sight, young magician. I have seen many things and this one was unusually painful." 

"What happened?" 

"He slipped off into day dreams at first. Seemed to see things I didn't. Then, he started screaming, after a few days of that. I took over getting us here, at that point.” 

Segundus had to remember that his arms were full to keep from dropping all the food in them to the ground. 

"What did he say? When he screamed?" asked Segundus. 

Under Vinculus' dirty beard, a frown formed. 

"Ah. That I promised him I wouldn't say." He thought for a moment, his eyes on Segundus' worried face. "And even if he hadn't asked me not to tell, I wouldn't make it your burden."

"I see," said Segundus. 

"Some things shouldn't be borne by a person who loves another, young magician."

"I have little experience," said Segundus quietly. "I will trust you." 

Vinculus grinned now and returned to his pie.

"You should go feed the man. He's been eager to get home to a quiet meal, just the two of you. I got sick of hearing him say it. Maybe if he has it he'll talk about something else." 

"I think I should thank you, as well," said Segundus. "For many things. For getting him back here, for the spell that separated us." 

Vinculus continued to eat cheerfully. 

"I was surprised it wasn't you," he said. "When we first met, so long ago, I was surprised that it wasn't you. But the name wasn’t quite right. And you were never arrogance. That much is obvious.” 

"You mean your prophecy? When you studied my name and told me that I wasn't one of the two magicians?" 

Vinculus nodded. 

"But look what being one of them got Jonathan Strange. You are better off, after all. And you have found your own magic as well." He leaned back and scratched his stomach, a place where there was a swirled tattoo. 

"Go on," he said. "You are keeping a sick man from his one wish. I think we'll see a lot of each other, before things are done. We'll have more time to talk." 

The cat lifted its head as Segundus left and watched him go. 

 

**************

The morning of rest turned into a day. 

They ate together and then resumed their places in bed, holding one another loosely and each thinking their own thoughts not speaking for a long time.

At first, tiredness was all each could think of. 

But a body has a very long memory and soon, the bodies of Childermass and Segundus awoke to where they were and who they were with. They reached for each other gradually, with occasion touches at first. There was an admiring stroke to the tops of thighs. There was a time long spent with fingers against a neck covered with stubble. Those things grew quickly. 

It was exhaustion and desperation that worked on them. Childermass’ outburst the night before had stayed with them and though neither said it to the other, each wondered from time to time what would happen if it the spell was never broken and each wanted comfort. It was anger at the circumstances they found themselves in. It was want that got to them. It was a dark afternoon being covered by a heavy, ice-speckled fog and a nearly empty house that they could for once fill with sounds of pleasure.

They let the kisses be more forceful than they had before, and the touches more intimate. 

Segundus lost himself to a pair of lips at the space behind his ear, to being rolled over so that he was underneath Childermass and looking up at him. He didn't care about anything but the feeling of the weight of Childermass on him as they moved against each other. 

Childermass forget everything else but the innocence with which Segundus received each thing he did to him in their bed and how much he desired making this man happy for a time. He forgot everything but the desire he felt watching Segundus' face as he experienced each new thing they did together. 

But in the end, they stopped, each of the resolved in their knowledge that if it happened like this, even if all was well at first and there was no immediate consequence,that they would always have to remember that they had first been together while as master and servant. For Segundus especially, it would be a significant thing that would happen between them and Childermass was careful to keep it preserved until it wouldn't be ruined by the spell. To give the fairy magic what was theirs was not something either wanted. 

They separated but stayed undressed as they lay next to each other and tried to catch up on the months that had passed since they had been together. They were tired early, especially Childermass, who fell asleep listening to Segundus read.

 

*********

The next day, they dressed in the morning and Childermass let himself be shaved and in general tidied by Segundus. 

They weren't in time to keep the newly returned maid from a shock at seeing Vinculus helping himself to a large breakfast, but she was soon convinced of his harmlessness.  
The men named John retired to the library after their own breakfasts. Vinculus at first was happy to chat with the maid while they were busy. She was surprised after a time to find him to be unexpectedly pleasant company and, as it turned out, a little bit helpful even with cooking once his hands were clean. 

Vinculus found Segundus and Childermass after a while, bent over books and talking in a way that was still subdued. 

Neither minded that he peeked over their shoulders and asked questions about what they were doing. He was energetic where they were not and welcome company as they looked over the books that continued to give them nothing. They found themselves relaxing as they listened to him and told him about the spell and the months of trying to break it 

"I remember a story," Vinculus said after they had talked for a while, "of a magician with a servant who asked a fairy to make a spell to free him from his master. He used the magic he had learned from his years of service to summon the fairy and then to free himself when he got the spell."

"Yes," said Childermass. "I remember that story too, now that you say it. But not well." 

"It could be that there's a grain of truth in it," said Vinculus. 

"Or all true. And if it's a spell, it could be I have magic enough to do it. "

Segundus let himself become hopeful at this new information.

"Do you think, if we could find out more about this spell and if it were true or not, that it might be useful?" 

There was nothing to do but try, so Childermass and Segundus wrote a few letters each to some of magical scholars that had been appearing since magic retuned and that they thought might know more. And then, they waited. 

 

Three of the replies came on the same day, nearly a month later, on a late January day after Segundus' students had returned to school. Childermass was outside in the stable when they arrived and Segundus could not help but open them on his own. 

When Childermass came back inside, it was after dark and Segundus was sitting in the library with the letters spread on his desk in a way that reminded Childermass of how he read his cards and Segundus was looking at them like he did when the reading was bad. 

"What’s going on?" asked Childermass. 

"We have had replies to some of our letters. I’m sorry, but I have opened the one that came for you." 

"Never mind,' said Childermass, coming up behind him to look at the letters. He rested a cold hand on Segundus' shoulder. "What do they say?" 

Segundus continued to stare at the letters.

"One is very helpful. The man evens includes a translated summary of the spell as he knows it, since the original was very old and used language not many people would recognize."

"That is good news. Isn't it?" 

Segundus shook his head. 

"It is clear that this is a malicious spell at heart. It was asked for in anger and created with the worst of intent. The translator warns that there are some questions about the true meaning of it. In particular-" Segundus paused. "In particular, it isn't clear how the servant is meant to be freed. Death of the master is a likely outcome. The intended outcome." 

Segundus handed Childermass the letter and let him read. 

"I would try it," he whispered. "Maybe that consequence is only for bad masters, or only if the spell is done by an poorly treated servant who means harm. You have said...you have said that I am kind to you. Maybe if the intention of the person doing the spell is different, the outcome might be as well."

Childermass put the letter down. 

"No," was all he said before leaving the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I surprise no one by working John Segundus' virginity into a story.


	13. Daedalus' Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A beneficial spell is found

Mr Segundus was tutoring a student after dinner one snowy evening at the end of February when Mr Childermass arrived at the open door to the library and knocked. Teacher and pupil were on opposite sides of a desk, candle and books and papers between them and Mr Childermass apologized for the interruption and asked if he could see Mr Segundus please. 

Segundus knew it was important if Childermass had come like this. They were careful not to arouse too much talk of being together over much and each often saved things they would like to say until the private time they stole together when Childermass left the room that was nominally his each evening. Segundus stood to leave for a moment's conversation and Childermass gave a small cough to get his attention. 

"You may want to end your lesson for the evening, Mr Segundus." 

"Oh. Well. If it's that urgent, then of course." He looked to the young man sitting in front of his paper at the desk. The student had stopped in the middle of his writing to observe his teacher and his teacher's friend, who was a great source of mystery around the school, and had not moved. "I'm very sorry, Thomas. We'll pick back up tomorrow."  


The young man called Thomas gathered his things and left them alone. After the door was shut, Childmass pulled from behind his back a small, square package. 

"There is something I've been keeping from you and I'm sorry. Sit down, John."

Segundus did as he was asked and watched Childermass walk to the desk and sit in the place where his student had been minutes ago. He set the package on the desk in front of him, halfway between him and Segundus. 

"You can open it," said Childermass. 

Segundus picked up the package and pulled back the paper covering its contents. Inside was a book; small and new, with a plain deep blue cover. 

"There’s some news," said Childermass, "It’s something I’ve been working on for a while. I couldn't tell you until now because I didn't want to get your hopes up, but I think we may have a bit of cause for it now."

"What is it that you have wanted to say," asked Segundus. 

He took the book from the paper, expecting, for all the mystery and Childermass' serious nature, for it to do something like burn him. But it was only a book, with rough, off white pages and small print. It was not especially well manufactured at that, with some letters wandering from their places in words, and others appearing to be asleep leaned against their nearest neighbor. He flipped through a few of the pages, seeing nothing out of the ordinary. 

"Have you ever heard of a spell called Daedalus' Rose?" 

"No," said Segundus.

"I’m not surprised. I had thought that the only evidence and explanation of it were lost when Norrell's houses and the books in them disappeared.”

He put out his hand and Segundus handed him the book. He flipped to the correct page and handed it back. Segundus skimmed the text, noticing that it went on for over ten pages front to back. 

"It works by allowing a person to trap some part of them self, some emotion or vice or virtue, and release it later. If you knew that you would encounter a frightening situation, you could preserve courage beforehand. You could give someone else love, or happiness, or jealousy. "

John and John met eyes across the table. 

“Or, their free will, if you were in possession of it." 

Segundus could only stare at the copy of spell in front of him. There was a word where sleepy lower case d had titled partly to its side. It shivered in his vision for a moment as emotion overtook him.

"It took some time to track down where a copy could be found now. I was afraid it might not be genuine, but it's as I remember it." 

"John..." 

Segundus pulled his eyes from the book. When he looked up, Childermass was smiling at him. 

"We will be free now." 

*******

The practice of the spell took a week.

They tried not speak of it too much while they waited, in case something went wrong and they were disappointed in the result. Neither thought that they could bear to think back on spoken promises of things that would be done on the afternoon the spell was broken, or the night, or the day after, if those times came and it had not worked.  


They decided to do the magic late at night, when they hopefully would not be interrupted. 

On the morning of the day they had set, Childermass left their room when the clock on the hallway had chimed 4:30, like he did when the students were at school or when there were others in the house.

He went back to his own room, but he knew sleep would not come. He did not even bother getting into the untouched bed. Childermass thought of spending some time at reading his cards, but he was worried it might show failure in the future or something worse. If that was what was to be, let it be, he thought. He knew as well that he wouldn’t be able to hide from Segundus if he read something bad and Childermass wanted him to have at least a few hours of peace still if it wasn’t meant to be. His only concern was of some danger to Segundus as he performed the magic, but the execution of Daedalus’ Rose was safe, so he left the cards in his pocket and paced and smoked his pipe instead. 

Segundus, back in their bed, stared at the ceiling, waiting until 6:00, his hand resting in the space Childermass had been. 

After breakfast, Childermass spent some time making notes about a tattoo on Vinculus' shoulder. They sat in the parlor together where the light was good. Vinculus, his sleeve pulled down, talked while Childermass sketched and wrote and asked him from time to time to please be quiet. The students were accustomed to this ritual and so interested in it that Segundus had had to allow permission for Childmermass to host a small group of them a few times a week for explanations and updates on his progress. Today, a few stopped for questions and Vinculus only seemed the happier for an audience. 

Segundus taught through the morning, distracted to the point that one of the students shyly needed to point out that he had skipped a few paragraphs of the text they were working through. 

They had lunch and dinner. Segundus was so preoccupied that at one point while they were at dinner, he nearly reached across the table for Childermass' hand, but caught himself at the last moment and darted for a bowl of potatoes instead. 

In the evening, they retired at their normal times. 

Half an hour later, Childermass left his room like he normally did and went to Segundus. 

However, they did not get into bed that night. They took out the things they had gathered to perform the magic and they waited. 

At 1:00, when the house was silent but for the last hissing sighs of the burning down fires in the fire places, they went down the kitchen. 

*********

They had decided on beeswax. There were a few different media suggested as beneficial, but beeswax was the one they had chosen, to make a candle from that could burn down, releasing what would be trapped inside. 

In the kitchen Childermass found a small pot and a bowl for them to use to begin the process. Segundus took the hunk of beeswax that they had chosen to preserve the will of John Childermass in and set it into the bowl, which was placed into the pot of water warming on the stove. As the water heated, the wax melted, and the men watched the yellowish square spread out and thin until it was a pool. 

"I am ready, John," said Segundus and Childermass came to stand next to him. 

He began to read from the book Childermass had brought home the week before. 

Segundus had practiced the spell late into the night with Childermass each evening since the book had arrived. They had sat in their room together for hours, or lay in bed, reading it from beginning to end dozens of times each night. Childermass had explained the finer points to him as it was immensely complex and Segundus was thankful that Childermass had looked at books he shouldn’t have looked at years ago, and listened to conversations he shouldn’t have listened to. He threatened to give Childermass a teaching job, so proficient was he at explaining what was needed to do the spell properly. 

The reading of the spell from beginning to end took a whole five minutes and some. As he finished, the pool of wax formed a languid bubble that expanded and popped with little fanfare. 

When he was done with the reading, he had only to find the thing he wanted to preserve and draw it from himself. It could then be put in the wax until such time as it was ready to be given away. 

Luckily, Segundus knew where to find all things that pertained to John Childermass and he searched for it there next to all the other things that had collected in the space reserved for him. 

He thought on it, the special piece of Childermass he wanted to find, and the thing, he was surprised, began to warm in him as he did. His calling of it gave it a shape as well and he felt that Childermass' will was a now round thing and small and it was hot in his chest. It was a shocking sensation and he could feel the thing, as he asked it to come to him, floating through him, through muscle and bones and all the other things inside his chest, though he also felt that it did not actually touch any part of him. 

"Are you alright?" Segundus heard Childermass ask. He felt him take his arm. 

He could not answer. The heat coming forth was pushing at his chest and he was compelled to put his hand there. There was a burning sensation at his palm and he gasped as his fingers closed over the thing that had come from him. Before he could open his eyes, he heard Childermass curse in shock. 

When he did look, Segundus saw in his hand a cloudy sphere, not quite the size of a marble. It appeared to be made of a twisting gas, somewhere between a solid and something not quite that. He was afraid it would pop or otherwise be damaged, but it seemed be a hardy thing for one so insubstantial. 

Childermass quickly poured the beeswax into the waiting mold and set the wick in place and Segundus placed the orb in the wax, where it did not make an imprint, but nonetheless sunk in after a fashion.  


They watched the candle harden over it for a while and then pulled themselves away to clean traces of the magic they had done from the kitchen. They were not sure if anyone else would feel the unseen remains like they did as they went back upstairs, a feeling as though the spell trailed behind them and slipped around under their feet as they walked. 

In their room, the set the mold on the dresser and stared at it. The orb had disappeared into the firming wax and was no longer visible. Anyone who saw them would have thought that the two men had somehow discovered the most interesting candle in the world, which for all anyone knew, it was at that moment as no other candle contained a man's free will sitting near the bottom. 

“What am I right now?” asked Childermass. “Am I free? You do not have my will, but neither do I. I wonder what would happen if it were lost before I took possession of it again??” 

“It’s not a thing we should think about,” said Segundus. 

It was quarter to 2 in the morning.

"You should sleep," Childermass told Segundus, who nodded absently. He undressed and got into bed but was not surprised to find that he could not sleep. He lay down and waited while Childermass sat on the end of the bed. 

Shortly before 6:00, the candle was hardened enough that when Childermass tapped the mold on the dresser, it popped from its place and into his hand. It could now be melted and what hid inside of it dispersed. 

They did not need words. At the knock of the mold on the dresser, Segundus was up from the bed and moving to Childermass' side. 

Childermass sat on the floor and took the new candle in his hands. Segundus lit it and sat in front of him.

They watched it burn together for over an hour without speaking. Childermass did not complain when wax fell on his fingers. 

At 7:30, there was a knock on the door, wondering if Mr Segundus would come to breakfast. 

"I am sorry," he said. "I am ill." 

Childermass' hands were red and had long tears of wax hanging from them at points, but he did not pay it any mind, nor did either man acknowledge the pool of wax hardening on the floor. 

“Do you think,” asked Childermass as the candle burned down, “that maybe you should dress? In case there is some need to leave the room suddenly? Or to go for help, if something should go wrong?”

Segundus stepped away for a moment to put his clothes back on and returned to his place with Childermass and put a hand on his knee. 

At 8:15, the flame reached the place where the orb had been and the heat peeled away the wax and it slunk downward. 

The top of the thing was only exposed long enough for one look. Then, there was a twinkle, a second of a different light than that of the candle, and the orb dissolved like it had never been. 

The stub of the candle dropped from Childermass’ hand and he wavered where he sat on the floor but reached out to right himself before he fell over. Some of the hardened wax on his hands cracked and fell away. He was silent and blinked down at his hands.

"John?" asked Segundus. 

Childermass did not respond at first, but slowly raised his eyes to Segundus. 

"What has happened? Are you well?"

Childermass flexed his hand like he was surprised he had such a thing at the end of his arm and brushed away the rest of the wax that had lifted from his skin.

"John, say something, please!" 

Segundus realized his error at the same he realized the quietness of the room following it, the absence of the words he had requested. 

Segundus’ head dropped forward and he allowed himself to sob. After a moment, he felt a hand on the back of his neck.

"We have done it," Childermass said. 

*********

On March 5th, only a week after the spell was broken, it was necessary for John Childermass to leave Starecross to attend to sudden business across the country. 

He did not leave a letter this time for Segundus before his departure. It was not because he did not have things he wanted to say. He did, and many of them important. He did not leave a letter this time because all of the things he wanted to say he knew he would back to say soon as Segundus sat in front of him, or woke up next to him, or dressed or undressed, or did any of the other things that made up a day together. He also did not fear this time that Segundus would do something rash out of guilt in his absence and his leaving was not anxious.

Segundus was not able to go outside with Childermass to see him off this time, but at the hour he knew he would be leaving, Segundus thought of the collection of Childermass’ things in the drawer of dressers in their room, evidence of a man living his life there. Segundus had taken up with someone who would often go and come back, but there would always be a few things of Childermass’ there, with him, to show where his home was. 

Segundus was in a class with four pupils at the time Childermass left. The day’s lesson was on a spell of Martin Pale’s, but when Segundus mentioned offhandedly something that Gilbert Norrell had once been said to have said about it, a student asked if he could please ask his teacher a personal question about a more recent piece of English magic. He wanted to know if it were true that his teacher and his friend Mr Childermass had both been present when Mr Norrell’s magic on the statues at York Cathedral had been done. It was far off task, but Segundus allowed it. 

“At that time, we did not know each other well, Mr Childermass and I,” Segundus began. “But yes, were both there, as it happens.” 

How long ago it was, Segundus thought as he told the story, from that night to this day. And all that has happened between. From the steps of the Cathedral in the snow, to a small, modest teacher’s bedroom shared in secret. 

“Be careful,” he had said to Childermass that morning. And it had been alright to say it. 

He had not entirely forgotten the fear the fairy spell made him feel about speaking to Childermass and was not sure he would for a long time, if ever, but each day was easier. 

Segundus returned to the lesson he had planned after his story was done, and when the lesson was done, he moved through the rest of his day. 

Starecross was a place heavy magic that March day. It was all good magic, and all of it belonging to the two men named John who came and went quietly through the bedroom at the top of the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terrible person. I never intended to give this a really happy ending, truth be told. However, I could not ignore the footnote I found about the spell called Daedalus' Rose. I promised myself that if I found a way, I would let them break the spell, and I kept my word to myself.  
> But it was hard. And I didn't like it.  
> Because I am terrible person.


	14. Bonus Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I left out something important, so I wrote this.

"You should go to your students," said Childermass.

Segundus wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and to calm himself, he focused on Childermass' feet in his shoes, and his legs, which he uncrossed to stand. These are the first minutes of our freedom, he thought. The first sounds of what comes after. This is John Childermass, as a free man again. Segundus took a breath to settle himself and looked up. Childermass was standing in front of him and his hand was offered out to Segundus, who took it and pulled himself off the floor.

"Where should I say you have been?" asked Segundus.

"I don't think people are really surprised when I can't be found. I think anything would do."

They stood facing each other. An embrace seemed natural, but also inadequate. In the face of the choice, Segundus stood there frozen, staring at Childermass. His clothes had a particular set of wrinkles from sitting on the floor for so long and Segundus could not stop watching it, or the small flecks of wax on the back of Childermass hand. He must have stood there for a long time, because Childermass reached out to touch his arm.

"Go," he said. "It's over now. That's all that matters."

Segundus caught a glimpse of himself in his mirror before leaving. It was obvious that he had not slept the night before and that he had been crying, but there was nothing much to be done about it. Childermass was right; his students were waiting. He ran his hands through his hair and put on the jacket Childermas handed him and then left  


Segundus was met with quickly concealed looks of shock and worry when he entered the room where his students were waiting for him, but he launched into an apology for his lateness and then immediately began the lesson so that he did not have to answer any questions. He taught through the morning as best he could, trying not to think too often that Childermass was somewhere in the house at this moment, or on the grounds, and freed from the spell. 

Childermass was present at lunch, looking, Segundus thought, no worse the wear for a night without sleep. Each time Segundus glanced over at Childermass, he thought again of the moment he had realized the spell was broken, the the joyous quiet of the room after the accidentally issued command and then the hand on the back of his neck as he cried, and his breath caught.

The day soon turned into a swamp of exhaustion and emotion to wade through. By the time supper had finished, Segundus was desperate for sleep and for time to process the events of the morning. He excused himself to his room and could not even muster the energy to undress before falling onto the bed. Segundus woke briefly a few hours later to the soft click of his door closing and locking. He was already mostly asleep again by the time Childermass undressed and lay down next to him, but he was awake long enough to feel Childermass settle in and rest an arm over him and hear the content sigh breathed into his ear. Segundus didn't wake again until it was time for Childermass to leave and he heard him saying his name. Segundus kept his eyes closed but could not stop a smile from coming to his face.

"Sorry, John, I didn't want to wake you."

"Yes," said Segundus. He rolled over onto his back and opened his eyes to see Childermass leaning over him. "You did. But that's fine."

"I have to leave now."

Childermass sat up and reached for the clothes he had draped over the end of the bed. Segundus looked down at himself and groaned.

"I slept in my clothes," he said.

"I thought it was best to let you be. You were very tired. I did take off your shoes, though."

"I have wasted our first night."

"Not at all," said Childermass. "And I need to sleep sometimes, too." 

Segundus heard steps across the room and the door unlocking. Before Childermass had closed the door, Segundus was asleep again. And the next time he woke, it was to sunlight.

Segundus got up from the bed and changed his clothes. The second day of the spell being broken began.

 

After lunch on the second day, Childermass went outside as he often did at that time and Segundus followed him a few moments later, unable to bear being away from him like he had all morning while he was teaching. He found Childermass leaning against the wall of the house and smoking his pipe.

"Yes, Mr Segundus?" asked Childermass when he saw that he was not alone outside.

"I just wanted to say..."

"Yes?"

Segundus could not say what he wanted or do what he wanted at all. There were people in the house who could come out at any time but it was far too frustrating to have to hold his words and keep between them the distance that was necessary during the day. And anyway, he would not know where to start, with so many things to be said and done. He sighed and moved a step closer.

"I as well," said Childermass. "I know what you mean and I feel the same. All of it."

 

Segundus could not decide what to do when he got to the room that evening. The wait was far too long until Childermass would arrive and he sat listening to the house settle down while the minutes passed. He got up from the bed and paced and then sat back down on it again several times before he heard the clock strike the next half hour.

Far too early, there was a halted knock at the door. Without waiting to enter, Childermass came into the room and shut the door behind him.

"Oh thank god," said Segundus as Childermass crossed the room and took him into his arms. He buried his face in Childermass' shirt and felt Childermass kiss the top of his head. They stayed holding each other for several minutes before Segundus spoke again.

"Please, come to bed, John," he said.

"We will have to be quiet."

"But it is what you want?"

Childermass kissed his hair again and Segundus knew a smile had started on his face.

"I won't answer such a ridiculous question."

Segundus pulled away and took Childermass' hand to led him to the bed. When they got there, Childermass paused and after a wait that felt uncharacteristically like he was nervous about something, he reached up and took Segundus' face in his hands loosely.

"There is something I have wanted to say."

"Please," said Segundus.

"I know I am not exactly free with saying it, but you know that what I feel for you is love, yes?"

"Of course. And I you."

Some of the tenseness in Childermass fell away but he did not stop staring at Segundus.

"You have saved me, time and again, in your gentle way. I wouldn't be here without you."

Childermass still had not dropped his hands from Segundus' face and Segundus could feel that they were unsteady.

"John? Are you alright?"

"I woke up this morning free. It was because of you."

Childermass rested his head on Segundus' shoulder and held him fiercely.

"You do not know," he said. "You can't see it, because you're you. But you're a wonderful magician and man."

"Oh, John."

Childermass lifted his head then and kissed Segundus. They moved easily onto the bed, Segundus on his back and Childermass next to him. They took their time and it was minutes before Childermass stopped and lay down next to Segundus.

"Well, John Segundus. We are here."

"We are here."

Childermass took his hand.

"May I ask; is there a way you had wanted this? Or imagined it? You have said to me before, in private, some things you might enjoy."

Laughing, Segundus rolled over and buried his blushing face in Childermass' neck.

"It doesn't matter at all," he said. "As long as you're here."

Segundus felt a hand rest at the place on his neck where the ends of his hair met skin.

"We can go slowly, if you need."

"I don't know exactly what I need," said Segundus."But I want this very much."

"I suppose," said Childermass, "that we can figure out what we want as we go."

Segundus moved his face from the warm skin of Childermass' neck and kissed him. He felt Childermass' body relaxed into the kiss as he pulled him closer.

"We will need to be undressed," said Segundus into Childermass' ear. "It is what is often done, I think, in situations like these."

"You are correct. How clever of you."

Childermass had arrived in his only his shirt and breeches, so Segundus pulled loose the shirt and then lifted it over Childermass' head. His chest was such a familiar and comforting sight that Segundus smiled much more widely than he knew he did. He pulled off his own shirt and then kissed Childermass again, before Childermass let the kiss end and reached up to touch his hair.

"I think I am more nervous than you are," said Childermass. "I want to be kind to you, Mr Segundus."

"I am not worried about that at all."

They kissed again and Segundus felt Childermass reach to undo the buttons at the front of his breeches. He wasn't embarrassed that his body had begun to respond to kissing Childermass and undressing him or that it responded further as the buttons were slipped from their places and his breeches were removed from his hips and then his legs. They had seen each other in such states from time to time over the months and he had grown used to it, and if anything was even more excited at what the sight of him in a state of arousal did to Childermass.

When Segundus was undressed, Childermass rolled him over onto the bed and began to undo his own buttons quickly.

It was so different this time. They had undressed each other before, and done some of the touching that they were allowing themselves, but it had always been so guarded, begun with the knowledge of how far it would go before it stopped. There was no restraint now, except for their need to be quiet to conceal their actions from the rest of the household. There was nothing but joy as Segundus felt Childermass reach for him, giving at first gentle strokes that made being quiet an easier thing said than done. He felt Childermass' ready body pressed against him and his level of want tumbled toward a breaking point. He struggled to keep his magic in check as it swirled toward Childermass' fingers and lips and legs and every other part of them touching, but he ended up nearly calling out a few times and had to swallow back the half formed sounds.

Childermass pressed his mouth to Segundus' to swallow his moans as the intensity of the movements in the bed increased.

Segundus opened his eyes when Childermass pulled away from the kiss suddenly and removed his hands from his body.

"What is it?" he asked. Chilermass was pushing his hair away from his face and shaking his head at himself.

"How could I forget? Wait a moment, I'll make it so we can't be heard."

Chilermass thought for a moment and then said a series of words under his breath. As always when Childermass did magic, Segundus' own magic responded, producing a feeling of euphoria that bubbled upside of him and struggled to be contained as Childermass finished his spell, Segundus needed to grip the sheet and hold his breath until the feeling passed. The end of it coincided with Childermass laying next to him again and the feeling of stubble against his cheek and he was nearly undone and reached for Childermass' hand to grasp.

"There," said Childermass. "Now we won't have to worry."

Childermas felt Segundus' hand slowly relaxing in his as his breath went from shallow pants back to normal.

"My apologies. I forgot what my magic did to yours."

"No," said Segundus. "It is a wonderful feeling, and it is ours alone. I could feel a hundred magicians do magic and for no one would else would I respond like that."

Segundus turned his face and he and Childermass were nearly touching lips, so a kiss was easy, as was the movement of Childermass' arm, pulling him closer so that their bodies were pressed together at nearly every point. 

"Now, John," said Segundus. "I'm ready. We've waited long enough."

There was a long stretch of night ahead of the two men and there was no rush when their bodies finally met and the first rhythms of their love were set in the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was aiming for sexy, but wound on sap street.


End file.
